Suprisingly

First off, I hate Finale.

Finale is a music notation program, and supposedly it’s the best you can get for private use and it costs several thousand dollars. My piano teacher has Finale, and I’m using it (or, trying to) to notate the piece I wrote.

It is impossible.

I think I spent the entire hour trying to figure out how to change the direction of the stem.

I didn’t finish the first measure.

Yeah. Devil Music Notation Device. D.N.N.D. Finale.

Moving on.



Growing up, there were never any secrets. I always knew I was adopted, I knew my parents couldn’t have children. I knew the same way I knew the sky was blue and the sun came up every morning. It just was.

Each of my siblings and I went through a stage where we become very interested in this fact, but until that point, that’s just the color of life. I never once questioned it.

Similarly, I knew about my parents’ love story. I knew where they met, when they got engaged, which temple they were married in. It didn’t occur to me that there would be more.

I took it well–very well. So well I’d like to think it wasn’t anything new, that I’ve always known.

And I did, because it was before I was born, I watched it up in heaven, and I smiled when it was over, rejoiced when it was my turn to come down.

And so, I didn’t think anything less–perhaps I thought more of. It was a confirmation to me of love, repentence. Of life.

The truth brought comfort–not that there was ever a lie, so maybe I should say this refirmation brought comfort. A lot of my fears about growing up have revolved around that exact possibility, but having two examples in front of me I know it will be okay. The spirit will tell me what’s right–this is too sacred for it to say, “Hey, you’ve got this one. Let me know how it goes.”

I will receive either peace or a confirmation it is right, and if not, I will know. Very plainly, if I’m not mistaken. A very distinct impression of wrongness. But it could be different for me–between now and the time I will make that choice I’ll try to learn how the spirit speaks to me personally.

I don’t know very many details–I don’t need to. I know what happened, and that is enough for me. The question I have is Why? Why was it now, on the 7th of July, at 11:00 a.m. that I needed to hear this? Why, at this point in my life, trying to figure out who I am and what is in store for me, did I need to know this? Will the same thing happen to me? Will I have to go through this, too? Will my turnout be the same, or will I have the courage to avoid it?

Or maybe. Maybe it won’t happen to me, but something will come up that would normally have raised an eyebrow but because I know about this it will be no problem (run-on sentence. shudder.).

Or maybe I’m guessing all wrong. It IS too soon to tell, after all, the question of Why. Not that Why questions ever have answers, but that’s a different story. Remind me to give you the spiel on that later.

For now, au revoir.