Rain

First, let me say this:

I love the Lord. He is my strength, my redeemer, my savior, my friend, my brother. He helps me in times of need and loves me always. And, because He knows I need it, He'll prove His love to me in little ways. Small, tender mercies that seem insignificant, but have really affected me and that I cherish.

I had one such experience this week, on Wednesday. To put it simply, I was having the worst mood swing of my life. I was in a weird mood all day, and around 5:00 my brainwork collapsed on me. A plague of irrationality took over, and I was crying, whimpering, angry, hurt, confused, annoyed, and otherwise insane. I knew what I was feeling wasn't real. I knew that I was fine, that nothing was wrong, that there was no reason to be upset over anything. The trigger itself was harmless enough--I was simply feeling lonely, but that feeling exploded inside me until I could no longer stand being in my house.

So I walked to the park. And I walked. And I wandered. And I felt a little better moving around and being left alone by everything else. I just let my mind run away for a bit, I let myself go numb. I went to Cascade Elementary and paced around the front of the building. I traced a pattern in the grass where the mower didn't quite get. I walked through the playground, and around the field. I passed the hill in Cascade Park and followed some trails here and there. I took a few pictures, watched the people on bikes, the people playing tennis, the people on the hill. I wandered.

And then my isolation was over. I turned to walk home as I replied to my friend, telling him what I was up to. I was in the park, and I liked the thunder. As I was texting the words "I hope I get rained on," I walked out from under the cover of a large maple tree and into a downpour.

I laughed. I laughed the whole way as I walked. It was the heaviest rain I've been in for years, and it just made me... happy. :) Soaked from head to foot, my dad came to find me right as I was starting to get cold. I knew the moment the rain started that it was my rain. The timing was too perfect for it NOT to be!

So of course it was my rain.

It is how my Heavenly Father showed me he loved me that day. He let me know how much He cared for me, how He was looking out for me and understood how I felt. All those negative feelings and irrational thoughts were washed out with the rain, and I was left in peace. Nothing wrong, nothing to regret or to hopelessly wish for. Just a warm, clear evening as the last of my raindrops fell to the ground.

All is well.

:)