A Late Night Note

Dear Shenzi,

Thank you for sharing your writing with the world through your blog. Your story of the girl who loved anger and liked to hide struck a deep chord within me, and I wish I had the courage to tell you what it meant.

You don’t know it, but we are so alike in that our struggles are completely opposite. While you are so unique, so authentic, you struggle with what I thrive in. While I raise my everything on a flagpole every morning, I’m exactly what you wrote in that I am just like everyone else, and that thought plagues me every moment of my life.

I want nothing more than to be unique and authentic as you are, you want nothing more than to show everything you hide. That makes us–if not the same, than equal on opposite sides of the spectrum.

I think there are two desirables when it comes to being happy with oneself: to stand out and to fit in. Logic would suggest that having both is impossible, but I’m afraid to think that it might be right. I’m afraid to think… that I might never be unique without sacrificing that which I pride myself on. I’m afraid to think… that it’s hopeless, that I will always either fit in or stand out and there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’m afraid to think… that you and I will stay stranded on our matching islands of discontent, forever, until our minds and bodies are perfected on a day a long, long ways from now.

But there is someone… someone I met at EFY. She was my roomate, her name is Aisha. Friday night we stayed up late talking to each other… discovering that we were so much alike it’s scary. She is a dreamer, like I am. She spends a lot of time thinking of scenarios, daydreaming events that will never happen, sometimes fantasizing things that eventually do come true. All of it, a description of me as much as of her. And, if I’m right, a description of you, too. The three of us, perhaps three of many. One who fits in, one who stands out, and one who sits comfortably in the middle, both standing out while fitting in.

Yes. It is possible. She has done it. I have seen it.

She is unique in that her wit, her abilities, her talents combine in a way that could only be Aisha. She stands out in how she acts, who she is, how she is unique and authentic. She fits in, in that she is not afraid of being herself, and people are drawn to her. She is exactly like everyone else. But at the same time… it’s amazing. I’m starting to think it’s all the same thing, standing out and fitting in. What makes her stand out is what makes her fit in, and it’s the balance of it that keeps it too far away from one extreme or the other.

You can do it too, Shenzi. Cut those chords that bind that anger to you. Let go of your fear of not being unique, of not being authentic. I can tell you now that if I saw you as someone who had nothing to hide, I would still see you as just as unique as you are now, perhaps even more unique. Those stars of yours shine brightly. They will shine even brighter if you let it all go.

As for me? I can do it, too. It doesn’t matter how many different ways I find to showcase who I am, I am unique whether or not other people know it, and there is no reason to fret about that because that uniqueness makes me stand in, too. I must loosen my hold, let myself be who I am. There is no reason to try and tame it, no reason to try and refine characteristics self-declared as “unoriginal”. Everything about me is original. And if I can see that, then people who are like me will see it, too, the way I see it in Shenzi, in Aisha, in others.

We are three of a kind, Shenzi. You, and I, and Aisha. No doubt there are others struggling as you, struggling as I, or treading water as Aisha. Thank you for being you, for sharing your thoughts, for writing the Allegory of the Wingsuit. Because of that I’ve realized that there are two sides to every story, though many times there are three. And when it comes right down to it, no matter the angle, we’re all just looking at the same old thing. But the significance of it…

It all depends on the p e r s p e c t i v e.

~ Me