Right Now 4/22 11:57 p.m.

My mind is racing.

It usually does this time of night, and I tend to repeat a lot of the same thoughts over and over again. It seems silly, at first, to have the same conversations with yourself for months, except that I understand them differently each time they come. Life happens, and the experiences I have in the moment affect the dreams I relive in the memory--or is it a future?

I don't think it's possible for me to explain this understanding to any of them, but I have learned so much about the people in my life in the past year. Of my best friends, I've come to understand more of their motives, the relationships between different aspects of character they keep in their minds, they way they think and act so far as I've observed. Of my family, I've come to recognize more of their individual character rather than the role they play in society and family, more on personality, or character, or whatever it is I understand about them.

I've also learned a lot about myself. Cambry once called it discernment, and I do believe that I have a way of understanding people. At least, in the general sense of the term. Whether I do or do not actually discern character is uncertain. I observe a lot of things that have significance to me, personally, and likely to me, only. I have a certain vision of the world and of life that I can't explain, and sometimes can't recognize for its presence is so small. It's not that I have an amazing ability that can change the world, it's more that my mind works in self-regard and relation to everything else from my 2D perspective.

I keep thinking that one day in heaven I'm going to read through my book of life, and laugh at all the thoughts I had. I'll realize how simple and mundane they were, how silly it was to take myself seriously... Well, let this be a note to self:

While on this Earth I see the concepts of life and truth in the perspective of a spiritual child, just as an Earthly child sees color and language. Every thought stimulates me. Simplicity excites me. When I make some kind of connection, even if it's wrong or only half-true, I still celebrate as a child would, with an awed, wild ecstasy that keeps me awake at 11:57 in the night.

Whatever race it is my mind is running, it matters. So I'll keep thinking and dreaming and taking myself seriously, because that's usually what I do at 11:57 at night.

Just in case you were wondering.