Thursday, December 29, 2011

Chapter Five



To put it in first-grade terms: school is my favorite! And it is. After ten years, it is amazing to me how intelligent first-graders can be when it comes to dealing with the facts. For me, elementary school was a fantastic experience. I loved the teachers, the friends, the games, the learning... For a child of six—for a child of any age—school is an exciting new dimension where new worlds are discovered, languages are learned, and history is reborn. It should come as no surprise to say I have always loved school. I have always loved learning, period. Elementary school could be considered the beginning of a great academic experience, or even a life experience, for it did comprise of some of the best years of my life.

It started with Mrs. Jones. She was my sweet kindergarten teacher I wish I could remember better. Kindergarten was a lot of fun. I loved learning how to read (better) and how to count higher than one hundred (or was it two hundred?) and how NOT to take books from the book-order table (I hate getting in trouble). I had great friends, like Kasey who came to visit in second grade after she moved, and Jenny, who made sand castles with me in her yard. Kindergarten was the year I had my first kiss—but for the record, it was before the age of accountability so it doesn’t count.

First grade was the beginning of “real school.” Instead of three hour half-days, I got to attend the full six hours. I also finally started learning things I didn’t already know, like science and math. I’ll always remember first grade math because right before one of our addition tests, I accidentally stabbed myself with my pencil and it left a permanent “dot” on my hand. Other memories of first grade include losing a tooth during class, earning sticky-hands for being a good student, and going on my first field trip to the zoo.

Second grade was the best of my pre-6th grade years. I adored my teacher, Mrs. Brockbank, and did everything I could to please her. I picked up as much trash as possible, did my work as fast as I could, and in all other ways played teacher’s pet. In my opinion, a year well spent. My friends completely changed in second grade, from moving from A.M. to P.M. class, and I was excited to get to know Katherine and Jessica. I also kicked off a rivalry with Brandon and Kevin, who I always competed with for the title “smartest,” and during recess my friends and I literally kicked them around on the swing set. I learned to love reading in second grade, and many other things, too. In fact, I loved just about everything in second grade. Third grade, on the other hand… was not my favorite. But what did I expect? Third grade comes after second! (I learned that in first grade). I did like playing kickball with the whole class at recess, and making tornadoes in soda bottles. I probably enjoyed third grade at the time, but looking back... well, let's move on to fourth.

School got interesting in fourth grade. See, my teacher thought I was psychotic, or depressed, or both. She sent me to psychologists and completely messed up my mental structure. I was not depressed—fourth grade was actually a lot of fun. Lightning every day on the playground, War in the classroom… of course, those were both really fun games I played, along with Speed and Four-Square and sometimes the Quote-The-Movie game. Fifth was a good year, too. I met one of my best friends in the world during fifth grade, and visited the space center for the first time. I also became really good at writing cursive, and got better at running miles. But any and all fun I had from kindergarten to fifth grade climaxed in sixth.

Sixth grade was the best school year ever. My teacher was hilarious, and I still laugh at some of the inside jokes. But the best part was the class unity. All 30-something of us were friends with each other. There were no cliques, no groups, no rivalries outside the academic. We were a big sixth grade family. Oh, and our steal-the-flag team dominated everyone. E v e r y o n e. All in all, Sixth great was a great end to a great seven years spent in Elementary school.

If you add it all up, elementary school was a great experience for me filled with fun times, great friends and great teachers. But as I look back and compare elementary school to now, I realize I’m still having the time of my life. I love my friends, my classes--not much has changed. :) Which means I could say in twelfth-grade terms: school is my favorite!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Ain't That the Truth

Sometimes I wish I were a football player.

I mean, really, my life would be so much easier if all I had to worry about was hitting people, catching balls, and sweating!

See, when you're an All-Star football player, people treat you like a celebrity. The recruiters come to YOU. You've got a coach, a dad, and maybe a personal trainer handling everything for you: when you practice, when you play, which colleges come to see you... You get sponsorships from the local burger joint, girlfriends out of the cheerleaders, and a school-wide fan club.

When you're an All-Star musician, on the other hand, you get none of that pampered stuff. Forget recruitment. Say goodbye to the fan-club. Sponsors? Nope. Coach, boyfriend, admiring colleges and fans? Nope, BIG NOPE, nope, and nope. You get nothing. Good luck scheduling your lessons, accompanist, rehearsals, auditions, practice, schoolwork, and social life all on your own!

I should have asked for shoulder pads for Christmas.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

The Game of LIFE (on Life Points)

My brother Brayden got the game "LIFE Twists and Turns" for Christmas. It's a version of life with an electronic device that keeps track of your salary, cars, houses, kids, wife, etc. You move through a board divided in four sections: Learn It! Earn It! Love It! and Live It! The object of the game is to WIN IT, obviously (Cambry quote! haha love ya :D). The unique thing about the game is that it all comes down to Life Points.

In the game, you earn life points by making bucketloads of money, reaching major milestones (college degree, marriage, travel, etc.) and also by experiences on LIFE cards. Experiences coincide with which section of the board you are in, and can give or take money or life points. Things like "Adopt a Koala Bear" and "You finally master patting your head while rubbing your tummy" can give you life points. But then there are things like, "Get stung by a jellyfish while swimming in the East Australian Current" and "Fall off the t-bar while skiing and roll all the way down the mountain" subtract your life points.

The theme here is obviously, "Positive life events give you life points. Negative ones subtract." But I got to thinking, in real life, why would a negative event detract from the value of the life you've lived? Why would not getting one job you applied for make your life a failure? How does passing out in biology class during a dissection make your life less worthwhile? It doesn't make sense in my mind! I think those things should add life points, not subtract them, because aren't they giving you a story to tell? Aren't they adding to your personal stream of life bloopers you're going to get to watch in heaven? Aren't all experiences teaching you and helping you grow, adding to the value of your life?

Sometimes we think the same the way the game does. When something negative happens, we automatically think that our lives lose meaning. So to an A student, failing a test is like the end of the world. Losing a friend makes you a horrible person. Crashing your car grinds your confidence to dust. But why let these things break you? Why not make everything that happens in your life a positive experience instead of a negative one?

So a family member dies, your computer crashes, you don't get a scholarship, your break your arm--any number of negative things can happen to a person in his or her lifetime. But I believe that every and any experience can be a positive thing in the long run. Even for the very worst of sinners--except perhaps ones who've committed the one absolutely unpardonable sin--any experience can be for the better. The trick is to let those experiences add to your knowledge and experience, to let them give you life points instead of subtract.

In Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 it reads, "Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." It doesn't say, "Remember when your life stinks, so do you." It doesn't say, "Remember that the better person you are, the more God loves you." God loves everyone, and every soul is worth so much more than any life experience can attest to.

So I'd encourage all of you--especially on holidays like Christmas and the upcoming New Year's--to take a look at your life. At all the crazy, wild and fun things you've done. All the everyday experiences you have. All the people you know, the goals you've accomplished. Take a look at those things that have been hard for you, things you wish you hadn't done. Think about how everything will be "for your profit and learning," and then reexamine the value of the life you've lived. Don't compare with anyone else, just appreciate what you've done throughout your life. I promise you won't be disappointed with what you find. :)

And there you have my thoughts for the day! :) Merry Christmas everyone! Have a wonderful HOLYday. ;D



Friday, December 9, 2011

My Mental Playlist

All day, this has been running through my head.

It is absolutely gorgeous! :) I love the way multiple melodies intertwine. I love how they are so simple the first time they're stated, but get bigger and more complex as they are developed and inter-weaved with the other melodies.

If you've seen Fantasia 2000, this is the music behind "The Steadfast Tin Soldier" sketch. I love that I can actually hear the story in this music! :)

New favorite song? I think so. Next piano project? Most definitely. :)

Enjoy!



(my favorite parts are 1:12-2:04 {the ballerina and soldier dance around}, 4:25-4:46 {bigger statement}, and 5:40-6:02 {central theme reinstated})



Sunday, December 4, 2011

Alpine Honor Band

This past weekend I participated in the Alpine Honor Band with several of my Orem and Mountain View bandies. One word...

AMAZING!!!!! :)

Seriously, it was such a wonderful experience playing with musicians who were at or above my level! We read so well, and our rehearsals were effectively silent. We got so much done in a very little time. We had a total of 12 hours of rehearsal before performing SEVEN songs in our concert. :) This is CRAZY, considering the fact that to prepare THREE pieces for a typical high school band concert takes about a month and a half. ;) Wow.

I also LOVED our director, Dr. Kirt Saville. He's the "march guy" who came to rehearse OHS once upon a time. :) He is absolutely wonderful! Not only does he have a great sense of humor, but his facial expressions are the BEST!! Not to mention the fact that he's a brilliant musician and only expected the best from us that he could possibly get. Just another reason to go to BYU. :D

Anyway, the concert was a lot of fun! My favorite pieces included Perthshire Majesty and Symphonic Dance No. 3 (Fiesta). However, almost everyone I talked to said that this was their favorite:



(If you want to listen to the rest of our songs, you can click on the link, and the same guy uploaded the rest of them. :))

Beautiful song, amazing band, wonderful experience... There is talk of continuing the band for another concert in May, and I really hope they do it!

Oh, and I have a story to tell you about the kid who sat next to me. It concerns a pencil and a date with a trash can... you'll have to ask me about it sometime. :P

Until then, adios!
;)


Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Right Now 11/30 2:08 p.m.

I think I'm a little dehydrated. And maybe that's why I'm out of it.

Also, I played the saxophone a little too much today. My mouth feels weathered inside from all that blowing.

I love my practice period, though. It's good for me to not feel pressured to practice, but since I have that time set aside, I practice anyway. I'm getting some good stuff done. :) One thing I really like about chillin' in the band room everyday is that I get to talk with Mr. Summers sometimes. He'll come stand in the doorway and give me tips on my practice/playing, or even work through an element with me. Other times he'll just mention things like the plan for festival in jazz band, or ask me about my all-state auditions. :) He always apologizes for "barging in so much," but I kind of like it. Mr. Summers is pretty much the best band director ever, and he doesn't say anything just for the sake of saying it--all his words have some kind of meaning.

Maybe that's why I like listening to him so much. That, or he's become a sort of father figure to me. A musical father. ;D And actually, that makes sense, because he's the one that's coached and supported and taught me since I was a little sophomore. :D I practically idolize the man! I honestly believe he is a superhero with a secret identity, or something like that. :)

Anyway, I'm sitting in my photo class right now. Today was a really boring day, mostly because the card reader didn't work for me, and so I didn't get my poster assignment done. I mean, I guess I could have done the words and such, but honestly, I'm in that sort of mood where I don't want to make a sound. I feel like opening my mouth would only dry it out more. Not just moisture, but words, expression. I don't know how else to explain it. I suppose writing on a blog is a direct contradiction to that feeling, but it's more like an extension of my thought process than anything else, so perhaps it doesn't count.

Well, the bell's about to ring, meaning it's time to log off. :)
See ya!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Quote



"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known."

~Sydney Carton
A Tale of Two Cities

Monday, November 28, 2011

Aerials in the Blue

Date: November 10, 2011
Occasion: Photoshoot
Assignment: Action Shots
Subjects: My awesome friends


Name: Dan
Pose: Mid-Backflip
Best Feature: Facial expression




Name: Scott
Pose: The "Awesome Jump"
Best Feature: Silhouette effect




Name: Garrett
Pose: Par kour
Best Feature: Sheer muscle strength




Name: Dan
Pose: Tripping
Best Feature: The angle




Name: Scott
Pose: Spin
Best Feature: Pure, manly elegance



Sweet, huh? ;D
(that was a lot of fun)

To my friends... Thanks for letting me take pictures of you guys...!!! :D
:)


Saturday, November 26, 2011

The Party in My Head

So, yesterday when I was cleaning my room, I had this great idea.

It was so good. It was all... deep and complex and perfect and such. It was about the nature of life, the nature of trials... I was so excited about it. I love it when I get those kinds of epiphanies!! It's like a party. :) So, as I was downstairs having this great time, I kept thinking how I couldn't wait to come up and blog about it.

So, naturally, I forgot.
I lost it on my way upstairs. I seriously have no idea what the idea was anymore...

It's probably running around somewhere, entertaining someone else, having a party without me...
Typical. :)

I'll let you know if I ever find it again. :)


Thursday, November 24, 2011

A Little Thought

Holidays are special days. :) Even when you take the word apart: holi-days. Holy days. The words, the day, are special.

I felt all day almost like it was a Sunday. Not because it was the sabbath but because the day was set apart. It had that "feel." You know what I'm talking about. It feels good, it feels sacred or holy.

I felt that today as I celebrated Thanksgiving.

What a wonderful day! A special one--one to enjoy with family and to be grateful for everything you have and that you will be given in your life. It's sad to me that sometimes the media, and maybe even our appetites, try to distort the meaning of Thanksgiving. It's not about the food. It's not about the money, or the day off work. It's not about preparations for door-busting stores on Black Friday. No, Thanksgiving is about family. It's about love. It's about joy and gratitude and remembering all the blessings you have in your life.

I love Thanksgiving--today was a good one. :)
Holiday. Holy day.

Love.
:)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Guru

For the record, it's not time-wasting, it's called THERAPY. ;)

And I think this proves that I am the ultimate Minesweeper Champion.

Check it out -->


43 seconds.

Yeah, I'm awesome.
Don't even worry about it.

;)

*Insert Rant Here*

...and all I have to say about is that,
lately my mood has been

Up and
Down
and
UP
and DOWN
and
UP UP UP
and
DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN.

Can I just say I'm confused??

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Looking Up :)

Our Deepest Fear, Musing and Memoir


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson

* * *

I remember the instant when I knew Marianne Williamson hit it spot on. It was November, the Monday after I auditioned for the All-State Jazz Band in my sophomore year. Even before I finished with the audition, I knew I had made it. I could barely contain the dreams I had, of being the the group. I must have imagined a thousand times the experience I hoped to have there. With all my soul, I knew there was no possible way I could not make it in. But it was something about the way Mr. Summers told me officially... he got so excited, the rest of the band was in awe. Though it was no surprise to me, the fact that reality played out almost exactly as I imagined it...

It scared me. An irrational, petrifying fear so intense I shook as I walked out of class that day.

I may have just been excited. Nervous, even, at the prospect of being the only girl, and one of the youngest members in the group. But on the way to the bus, I kept asking myself, How did this happen? Who am I to deserve this, after barely even preparing?

I admit, it was true. I didn't practice every day for weeks in preparation, I didn't even practice longer than thirty minutes at a time. The fact was, I barely practiced at all. Somehow I convinced myself that I didn't need to--or did I? Thinking about this, a bit of guilt found a seed in my heart. For how could I so effortlessly win a spot in an elite band while others practice hours upon hours, and don't even get the honor of being a runner-up? It's not fair, I thought. Not fair to others, but also not fair to me.

The bus had reached its destination, and by this time I sat in my Spanish class, zoning out, as usual. For a while I just sat there, staring at the same spot on the door as I wallowed in my fear and guilt. But then, almost without my knowing it, I started to recite to myself a certain quote by Marianne Williamson.

My deepest fear is not that I am inadequate. I began. My deepest fear is that I am powerful beyond measure...

And then it hit me. I am powerful. I can do anything. Anything!

Whether it was excitement or fear or a manifestation of the spirit, a feeling washed over me as I realized this fact. And I was right, by some kind of intuition I possessed in my soul, I knew it was right. I could literally do anything I wanted, be anything, say anything. I walked away from that November day feeling strangely empowered, but not knowing what to do with myself.

Since then, I've thought and thought about the experience. It seems a little surreal, but it has affected me deeply nevertheless. Through the years I've learned one thing:

If our deepest fear is that we are light, then there is not much to be afraid of in this world at all. Though times may be troublesome, and the future seems impenetrable, that single truth anchors us to the rest of reality. We are light. We are brilliant. We are fabulous, gorgeous and talented.

And we have every right to be.

:)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Celestial Dating Flowchart of Happiness

I'm pretty sure this is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen in my LIFE!! :) :) :)

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!! I love this. I can't wait 'till college. :)


Chapter Four


Life at Home

Sometimes I’d like to think it’s the picture frame that holds us all together. That, and also our names. As a family we are close, and yet so distinct. We don’t look alike, think alike, or do the same things. Our character traces to common roots, but our personalities mask any similarities we may have. The seven of us—perhaps seven colors of a rainbow—combine to form something beautiful: family.

Of the kids, there are five. I am the oldest, and fulfill all big-sisterly roles within the family. Next is Brianna, my thirteen-year-old sister who is four years younger but four inches taller than me. We look absolutely nothing alike, although that’s what amazes me about my family; even though we’re different on the outside, people can sense that we’re family. Brianna and I have never been taken for anything other than sisters, just as my brothers Bradley, Brayden, and Brevin belong to us as well.


Anyway, Brianna is the beauty queen of the family and loves anything she can see or feel or taste or hear or smell. She is crafty and especially loves nails, makeup, and hair. Bradley, my twelve-year-old brother who was just ordained a deacon is the sports fanatic of the family. He loves football, baseball, soccer, basketball, and watches ESPN constantly. It’s fun to watch him, because he'll get five inches from the T.V. and jump around intensely whenever something good is happening. Brayden, who is eight, is a social butterfly. He’s playing with friends sixteen hours a day and sleeping the other eight. He is a natural athlete but also the most sensitive of all of us. I recall countless times where Brayden has approached me and given me a great big hug, saying, “Ditty, I love you. You’re the best sister in the whole wide world!” Brevin is the youngest, six years old, and the make-believer and free spirit of the family. He doesn’t conform to anyone’s rules, eats and sleeps whenever he feels like, and is wrapped up in fantasy much like I was as a child.

As you’d expect, life at home with five kids is nothing short of a blast. It can be crazy, but crazy is comfortable. I’m usually wandering, or playing the piano, while my sister has all her giggly friends over to eat our pasta and do their nails. Then there are the boys, who constantly wrestle around the house and invite their 50 friends over to join in making forts, having “wars,” running around, and being generally obnoxious. Add in the habitual family pet Tarzan and a loving set of parents and you’ve got yourself a typical day at the Theurer home.

My family enjoys being together, and we do many things that bring love and unity to our home. Sunday Dinner is probably my favorite tradition. We eat the same dinner every Sunday, and it’s everyone’s favorite: mashed potatoes and gravy with roast beef, vegetables, and rolls. We always eat together, and though we do so most nights, there is something special about Sunday Dinner that I love. As a family we also take time for Family Home Evening every Monday night. Once in a while we will go do something fun, like bowling or a picnic in the park, but I think just being together for a few moments every week can make a big difference.

As far as Holiday traditions go, we take ours seriously. Within the first week of December we like to decorate the Christmas tree, and as we get closer to the holiday we like to see the Spanish Fork Lights and go sledding. Christmas Eve we usually visit our extended family and open gifts from Grandma and Grandpa. We also have a tradition called the “Christmas box,” where we fill a box with food and treats and leave it on the doorstep of a family having a hard time. After delivering the box, we reenact the nativity scene and open our Christmas ornaments and pajamas. The holiday is practically a ritual; after getting ready for bed the kids all stand in line at the door of the present room and take presents up to the Christmas tree. Then, on Christmas Morning we have æbleskivers for breakfast and open our gifts. It is a fun time for our family and likely our favorite holiday.


Easter and the Fourth of July have fun traditions, too. Whenever Easter rolls around, we search for our Easter baskets and later throw an Easter egg hunt with the Hallows side of the family. We also dye eggs and occasionally make cupcakes. For the Fourth of July we always have fireworks in front of our house and spend all day with our Theurer grandparents. Though it’s not a holiday, by far the favorite week of summer is when our cousins Brandon and Nicole come down for our Theurer Family Reunion. The reunion typically occurs around the fourth or the twenty-fourth of July, and we play all day, party all night and try to have a good time. Thanksgiving is another fun holiday for my siblings and I; we eat the big dinner with our extended family and switch off Hallows and Theurer every year. Birthdays, of course, cannot be forgotten. My mom decorates the kitchen in streamers and balloons, plants the most recent school picture of the family member on the table, and arranges the presents. It’s a party for the whole family when one of us has a day where we celebrate them, and with our variety of siblings, there’s a lot to celebrate.


All these traditions, the descriptions of my siblings, of the things we do together as a family, they all spell one word: love. It is the word that could stand on its own to describe my family’s inner workings. And love… well, love is an interesting phrase. In a sense it means that as a family we enjoy being together. It also means peace, and safety. It means that no matter what you do, there will always be a brother or parent or sister standing right beside you. Love means family. And we as a family, all seven of us, strive for love and unity in our home. Life at the Theurer house can be chaotic. It can be fun or crazy or peaceful or dramatic. It can be traditional or spontaneous. But it is always loving. Of all the things I love about my family, I love the love that exists between us. Mike and Jann, Brittney, Brianna, Bradley, Brayden, and Brevin: this is my family. All that is left to say, then, is that I couldn’t have asked for a better family in the world.


:)

Saturday, November 12, 2011

My Smile Song of the Day

This is just one of those feel-good songs. It makes me burst into a smile every time, even laugh or get up and twirl around. :)



Amazing. :)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Marching Band Ate My Life

It's true.

Long rehearsals, no free time, being pushed from one activity to next to get it all done... Yep, that sounds like Marching Band.

But. After this weekend, it is forever finished! Done! Over! We're going on tour to St. George tomorrow, and the moment I step off the bus on the ride back home, I am FREE.

Eff. Arr. Ee. Ee.
FREE.

!!!!!!!!!!! AAAHHHHH YYAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDD !!!!!!!

I'm seriously so excited to have my life back!!! :) Band Tour, I'm coming for you. Freedom, you're next!!! :D



Saturday, October 15, 2011

All About Me--Photo

So, I'm taking a digital photo class this semester. Our first assignment was "All About Me." Since I like working with photoshop, I had a good time with it. I thought maybe y'all would like to see what I done did. ;)



The first is my favorite place to think, or one of them. :)



My butterfly tree.



The hammers on the piano. :) I had to hold open the... thingy on the piano to take a picture inside... Now that I think about it, what IS that "thingy" called? The lid? I don't know. :)



This one's kind of cool. It's the inside of my saxophone. ;)


The sky--tricolored.


Yellow daisies looking up




And finally, my adorable little brother Brevin! :) Seven years old as of a little over a month ago. (Is he really getting that big?!)

So... there you have it. :) Next project: the elements of art. Be excited. :)

Monday, October 10, 2011

Photo, MB, Life... etc.

I promise I like Photo. Really, I do! It's just that, with practically all class period to mess around on photoshop and no more pictures to play with, it's gets a little bit...

Anyway. I'm here. :) And, well, life is good! I can't really think of anything I'm particularly struggling with, or anything I'm so excited about I'm just BURSTING, and that isn't a problem with me. There's nothing wrong with vanilla. :)

We had a marching band competition on Saturday. Second Place! Woot! I don't really understand why we have to be there so incredibly early or why we get home so much later than we say we are, but whatever. Life is too short to complain about every little thing. I'm just happy about how we did! When we got back, a bunch of kids were singing,

"Hey, don't be a fool. Somebody said that we're number three, but we're number TWO!!!!"

haha and then Meredith would chime in, "but we could be number ONE!!!!"

She is so fantastically optimistic and encouraging. Yup. She's a drum major. :)

Speaking of marching band, it's eating my entire life! And the parts that it DOESN'T eat are consumed by my inherent laziness and slackership. Let's just say I'm a true AP student. (AP--Advanced Procrastination) haha. To do list... Let's see, I need to finish both my A-day AND B-day homework (MB comp tomorrow--no time!), finish my application for National Merit, and practice for my sax lesson tomorrow, if I don't end up rescheduling for it, which I think I might do.

I'm also desperate for pictures, which is why I'm blogging during class in the first place. Our next assignment is people. I'm excited for it. :)

Oh, and since my blog is so blah blah blah my life blah blah blah don't care, I really need to spice it up with some pictures. Trust me, I'm working on it. :) It just takes forever to upload them, and I'm about halfway through with the first Photo Assignment--about me. Just... be excited, ok? They're decent, and I PROMISE they're coming. So, enough of me. You're sick of my ranting.

Lucky for YOU, the five minute bell rang just a moment ago, so it's time to logout. :)

Goodbye!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Thawing

My fingers are still a little cold from marching band today. But they can move. They can type, they can play the piano, they can write and turn pages to read. There are many things cold fingers can do. And as they do them, something happens. They warm up. A little bit of life seeps back into those bones and muscles. They start to thaw.

And if my fingers can do that, then I can too.

Just a little imagery for the mind and soul. :)

Frostbitten

Welcome to the life of a teenage girl.

One day she's euphoric, another day she's depressed. Wait five minutes and she'll spit fire, or burst into song and dance, or simply take a vow of silence.

See, the silly things that go on in our heads make it that way. The silly things that mess with our hearts make it that way, too. I don't really understand it, but I live it. Kind of a scary thought.

So today at marching band, we were outside in 45 degree weather. I learned my lesson from yesterday, so I had bundled up a bit, but you can't play a clarinet with gloves on. Naturally my fingers were frostbitten by the end. I couldn't move them, couldn't feel them. They were just...

Numb.

And I feel like overall, I am too.

I woke up today and forgot how to feel. I forgot how to think. But it wasn't just today, it was this week. Time passes too quickly for me to keep up with, and with all the crazy, dramatic events that have happened to me recently, and then suddenly reaching a strange calm where I'm past the "cooling off" point and into the "freezing point," I feel numb all over. So hopelessly confused and ignorant, like there's nothing for me to think about or be excited for or dread or consider or contemplate or wish for or anything! I'm just... alive. And it's weird.

I don't really know how to explain it. It's like seeing in black and white after years of viewing color. It's like eating cream of wheat after a triple-layer chocolate cake. It's basically dealing with normal, boring, everyday life events after riding a roller coaster of new and exciting drama.

Drama... We hate it, but we love it, too. That's why we make it. Let's just hope it's worth it.

When it comes to working stuff out, there is nothing "wrong" anymore. What happened last week is years away in everyone's mind. And there's no going back to it, there's no longing or regret. Then why do I feel so empty? It doesn't make sense...

It must be frostbite.

But enough of that. I need to be happy. With a freezing heart, I have to do all I can to warm up, move around, anything to avoid the blizzard. I have to invigorate my sense of being, restore my sense of self, and snap back into it. Maybe somewhere, somehow, or with help from someone, I can defrost.

Monday, October 3, 2011

How it Goes

Life has been crazy. In a good way, I think. At least I hope. :) General Conference was this past weekend, and it was fantastic. I loved the talks, and I'm really excited about the new temple in Provo. I heard some great things--things that inspired me, things that uplifted me, things I need to work on, things I'm currently doing well on, things that make me think, all sorts of things. It was wonderful and I'm thankful for that opportunity. :)

Aside from that, school has been insane. Took an AP Chem test today, hope I do okay... :) haha. I don't know. :)

So... My week last week was really, really hard. I'll spare you the details, but basically there was a lot of drama, and it was hard to absorb. BUT, in an optimistic point of view, I'm not sad anymore. :) I LOVE MY LIFE!!! :D And I'm still shocked at how that all worked out, but let me just say this:

BEST FRIENDS ARE AMAZING AND WONDERFUL AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

Seriously. Cambry has dealt with my cry moments ALL week and has been so patient, and then on Saturday (the worst day by far), she called me after conference and asked if I needed a pick-me-up. :) It was SO good, SO fun, and incredibly and amazingly therapeutic. Cambry and Scott took me to get ice cream, and then took me to a park to talk and cry and stuff. They both had words of advice, and though it wasn't a specific thing that was said, I felt a lot better. I just needed to acknowledge the pain to someone outside my family, and I'm so glad Cambry and Scott were there for me. As we were leaving the park, Cambry said, "Brittney, don't cry anymore," and I think I took that to heart, specially delivered from my brain. :) It was almost a cure-all.

After Scott had to go to priesthood session, I adopted myself into Cambry's family. I joined her and her mom for dinner, and then went with them to IKEA (new favorite store, seriously) to eat amazing chocolate cake. Seriously, Girls night + chocolate = therapy!! :)I had such a good time. :D

And honestly, I don't know how that worked out so well. I think Heavenly Father had a LOT to do with it, and I am so thankful to Him for helping me through this. I am also so thankful for Cambry, and my mom, and Scott, and Cambry's family, and everyone else who's been there to support me. It means a lot to be loved and supported, and I hope that I can learn from this and do the same for them. :) Life is good. Fantastic, actually. :D

And, well, that's all I've got to say!

Life is good. And it's so much better when you're looking UP. :)

Sunday, September 4, 2011

in C O N C E R T

Last night was a fantastic night!!! I got to go see Jon Schmidt and Steven Sharp Nelson in CONCERT!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH THEY WERE SO AMAZING!!!

Oh my gosh. I love them.

I went with Cambry, Dan, Sabrina, Kennen, and Tyson. It was at Thanksgiving Point in the Waterfall Amphitheater and it was fabulous. Absolutely wonderful. I loved LOVED the music, all their cheesy jokes. I loved being there with my friends. Even though I almost ruined it by forgetting the tickets, and then getting freezing cold right at the end... It was still just, well... Amazing.

So just barely, I was thinking about the amazingness of the concert and I decided to stalk Jon Schmidt, and I found this video. I just smiled and laughed the whole time, DANG it's cute!!! :D Enjoy.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

I Can Handle It

That one insecurity is driving me insane.

Just a lot a bit.

It's not entirely rational, but then again, what insecurity is?

Here is mine, although I don't want to come across as whiney or complaint. It's just something about me that could, maybe, define me a small portion.

Here it is:

There is a part of me. A small part, but a powerful one, that is entirely convinced that some person or another hates me. Usually it is someone I care about, or someone whose opinion I value, or someone I want to be friends with. I'm not exactly sure what the qualifications are, but it is always someone whose relationship with me stands at a nondescript point. Sometimes there are twenty people, other times only one. But there is always someone.

It can be a teacher, or a friend, or a classmate. No matter who it is, the thought plagues me that maybe, possibly, this person doesn't like me. Or doesn't want to be my friend. Or is annoyed by the little things I do, by my very being. I'm afraid of being afraid of, but I think that the person I'm afraid of most is myself.

I'm afraid of myself. I think that this is at the core of my little big insecurity. I think that maybe, I am the person who a part of me is entirely convinced doesn't like me. Not speaking self-esteem or anything, but self-criticality. I am too hard on myself socially, emotionally, sometimes spiritually. I'm not saying that some self-assessment doesn't have its time or place, but perhaps too often I analyze myself in the view of other people. The only view I can see clearly through is my own. So I think it's time that I learn that other people's perspectives shouldn't matter to me, and that it is a pointless struggle to try and assess exactly what someone thinks of me. Because I'm never going to know.

And should that stop me from being happy? Should that stop me from reaching out to people? From being who I am?

Of course it shouldn't.

There will always be someone who thinks I'm annoying. There will always be someone who looks at me with disdain, who wishes I wouldn't talk to them, who holds back because they don't want me to know what they really think. There will always be someone, and there will always be me. But I can ignore that. I can ignore them.

If I just trust Heavenly Father's perspective, and stay true to myself and who I believe myself to be, then I will be happy. I won't be weighed down by possibility. I won't freak out. Though that one insecurity will never leave me, I can handle it.

I can handle it.

*Lather, rinse, repeat*

I can handle it.


Sunday, July 31, 2011

Chapter Three


My Grand Entrance to the World

Growing up, there were never any secrets. I always knew I was adopted, I knew my parents couldn’t have children. I knew the same way I knew the sky was blue and the sun came up every morning. It just was. And I think being is the thing that makes all the difference, for when you are a child, there is beauty in simplicity. My birth story has always been something beautiful to me, because through a child’s eyes, it is all simple.

It was the morning of January 5th that my parents received the phone call informing them that my birthmother was in labor. My parents quickly boarded a plane bound for Vancouver, Washington, where I was born. They were ecstatic, to say the least. Six years of marriage had already passed by that time, and they were ready to become parents. After twenty-something hours of labor (my poor birthmother!), a beautiful baby girl emerged weighing seven pounds, six ounces. This was baby Brittney, and I became the first child of Mike and Jann Theurer.

My parents had tried for years to adopt, all without any luck. Finally, a friend of my mother’s introduced them to a young girl named Jeniece. She was nineteen with golden brown hair and a big smile. She was pregnant and searching for a family in which to place her child because she wanted me to grow up with both a mother and a father. Over the course of several months, she and my parents exchanged letters. They met on occasion, and ultimately it came down to the Theurers and one other family to adopt me. On one fateful evening, my mother sang a song she wrote for Jeniece. My birthmother was moved by the music and the spirit, discovering at last that Mike and Jann were truly meant to be my parents.

I am forever grateful to Jeniece, not only for choosing the right family to place me in, but also for being a strong woman in the gospel. After my birth, she pieced her life back together, went through the temple, and eventually served an LDS mission. I can’t express the joy that brings my soul. Instead of being a hindrance to her, I think I helped Jeniece grow.

I have a theory.

I believe Jeniece and I were good friends in heaven. I have only met her once, when I was born, but reading her letters she sent to me and my parents during the first two years of my life, I feel like she is close to my heart. I hope that after returning from a mission, she was able to find a worthy young man to marry and raise a family with. I wish the best for her, for she is one of the reasons my family is what it is, and I am who I am.

When my parents brought me back home to Utah, the whole family rejoiced. We were greeted at the airport with nearly forty smiling people—aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents—all holding balloons and giving hugs because, after all, it was quite the wait to get me! But the wait was worth it. According to my parents, I was a wonderful baby and much like I am now. Inquisitive. Imaginative. I was a “happy baby” and loved to laugh and giggle. I did have a hard time napping—with all the new sensory information I took in as a child, I guess it was just too much fun to stay awake. I was beautiful, bright, and learned quickly about the world around me. I was also an early talker, and one of my favorite stories about my infancy was that once I was sick with croup and my mom was told to take me outside in the brisk air to help me breathe. Sick with a fever of 103° and barely able to breathe, I looked up at the sky and said simply, “Hi, moon.”


Stories like these I love the stories because they are so innocent and sweet. Once when I was eighteen months old, I counted to ten for the doctor, making his jaw drop. I also made the nurses cry. When I went in for my shots, I was all smiles and giggles right up until they poked me with their needles, and then I just looked at them with the look that breaks hearts. Another time, while my mom was in the shower, I snuck out of the house and stopped by my neighbors’ house for breakfast. Their little boy fed me eggs on his doorstep until my mom came to find me. One last memory--I was in love with a certain cowboy hat when I was little, and whenever my dad or anyone else would say, “Brittney, go get your cowboy hat!” I would drop everything and run for it.

All these and more memories mark my first few years of life. From my birthmother’s arms to the arms of my parents, my entrance to this world was a special one. It is characterized by a beautiful simplicity and grace of young life. I learned many things in just a few years, like how the sky is blue, the sun comes up, and after a time, things change. After four years of being the only child, my baby sister, Brianna was born. Soon after came Bradley, then Brayden, then Brevin. My life changed purpose as my family grew and was filled. I remember the day my mom and dad drove me in the car to see my little sister for the first time. She was right up the stairs and around the corner in a beautiful bassinet. So was the rest of my childhood, I soon found. My grand entrance to world then transformed into a grand journey, and as I embark upon it I will remember those first memories and moments that make my birth story and young childhood unique, and I will smile.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

People People 101

I envy people who let words flow as freely through them as water does tap. It's something I've never been able to do as long as I've tried (and let me tell you, it's been a long time). But I'm working on it. And I'll get there. Eventually.

Back to people. I love them. So much! It didn't use to be that way, I didn't use to get excited after talking to one of my friends or learning something new about someone. I didn't use to call myself a people person.

But now? I almost can. :)

I guess the change has been in the past few months, where an introduction to proper teenage-hood and growing up subconsciously enrolled me in People People 101. I love it. Every bit of it. I love who I am, I love who I am becoming. And the reason I do is because I'm beginning to love other people.

Remember a few months ago--was it really just one?--where Cambry and I went to a YCL overnighter, went to bed "early" and then stayed up talking for a while? Remember me saying how I don't feel the love for people that Cambry can? Remember me saying I wish I did?

Well, my wish came true. Something about having a best friend as a role model and being provided experiences to grow can shape a girl. And it has definitely shaped me in the past few months.

The result?

I want to get to know people. So bad. I want to call friends on the phone and talk to them, I want to invite someone over and just play. I want to walk up to somebody at school or marching band or wherever and ask them what they're up to. I actually, really, truly want to know. Is that crazy, or is that just me? Where is this coming from? I feel like this feeling is an alien part of me I haven't met, but that's okay. Because wanting to be a people person is a good thing. I am human, after all. It's time I embrace humanity and go for it. Go for making friends. Go for meeting people. Go for calling someone up or inviting them over. Though hesitancy still rules me and those parts of me that hold me back still have control, my mind has begun to discover all that I could be as a friend and person. Perhaps that idea might just gain hold and allow me to act, but for now I'll just watch. And love. And learn. And hopefully become the person I am meant to be. I can see now that I am just starting that journey, and though it's a long one, it's definitely worth it.

[press save]

**************
And now comes the question I ask myself: how did it taste?

I might be starting to like this tap water.

;) *wink wink* ;)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Rain


First, let me say this:

I love the Lord. He is my strength, my redeemer, my savior, my friend, my brother. He helps me in times of need and loves me always. And, because He knows I need it, He'll prove His love to me in little ways. Small, tender mercies that seem insignificant, but have really affected me and that I cherish.

I had one such experience this week, on Wednesday. To put it simply, I was having the worst mood swing of my life. I was in a weird mood all day, and around 5:00 my brainwork collapsed on me. A plague of irrationality took over, and I was crying, whimpering, angry, hurt, confused, annoyed, and otherwise insane. I knew what I was feeling wasn't real. I knew that I was fine, that nothing was wrong, that there was no reason to be upset over anything. The trigger itself was harmless enough--I was simply feeling lonely, but that feeling exploded inside me until I could no longer stand being in my house.

So I walked to the park. And I walked. And I wandered. And I felt a little better moving around and being left alone by everything else. I just let my mind run away for a bit, I let myself go numb. I went to Cascade Elementary and paced around the front of the building. I traced a pattern in the grass where the mower didn't quite get. I walked through the playground, and around the field. I passed the hill in Cascade Park and followed some trails here and there. I took a few pictures, watched the people on bikes, the people playing tennis, the people on the hill. I wandered.

And then my isolation was over. I turned to walk home as I replied to my friend, telling him what I was up to. I was in the park, and I liked the thunder. As I was texting the words "I hope I get rained on," I walked out from under the cover of a large maple tree and into a downpour.

I laughed. I laughed the whole way as I walked. It was the heaviest rain I've been in for years, and it just made me... happy. :) Soaked from head to foot, my dad came to find me right as I was starting to get cold. I knew the moment the rain started that it was my rain. The timing was too perfect for it NOT to be!

So of course it was my rain.

It is how my Heavenly Father showed me he loved me that day. He let me know how much He cared for me, how He was looking out for me and understood how I felt. All those negative feelings and irrational thoughts were washed out with the rain, and I was left in peace. Nothing wrong, nothing to regret or to hopelessly wish for. Just a warm, clear evening as the last of my raindrops fell to the ground.

All is well.

:)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

EFY Pictures

Thank goodness for facebook! :) Here are some photos of my week at EFY.
First is my company:

Company counselors, Amanda, Ashley, and Aaron. Amanda was my counselor, on the left.

Our boys

My counselor group girls. :) From the left: Taylor, Shelby, Sabrina, Brittney, Amanda (our counselor), Lacey, Aly L., Elyssa, Aly C. :D Love those girls!

On Wednesday, we have game night. One of the activities is creating a banner and cheer for your company. Here's our macho We-Shall-Hunt circle.

More cheering.

Taylor and Shelby rocked our banner.

A cool pic from game night.

There were also two dances at EFY. One on Tuesday, and another on Friday. Vanessa edited this awesome dance action pic:

Here's me and Sabrina with Elyssa. Again, My camera broke, so I didn't get many pictures with individuals. Still, I like this one. :)

One of my favorite people I met at EFY. Cute Landon.

On Friday we did a service project, writing thank you cards to important people in our lives and also to different departments and companies that made EFY possible. Thank you!

Alright, onto Vanessa's amazingness. She is a great photographer, and she posted some alternative pictures I REALLY like. All credit goes to her, I just wanted to share these because, well, they're awesome. Simple as that.

Here are some favorite ties we saw on Thursday:

And a beautiful daisy native to our company spot:

I don't know where this is, but it's gorgeous. Trisha would say it's romantic <3

Apparently someone threw his friend's tennis shoes into the telephone lines. Makes for a great picture, wouldn't you say?

And finally, an EFY marker flag. Overall I'd say I had a great time at EFY. I met some neat people, had some spiritual experiences. I'm glad I went

And that's all I have! :)
THEY SHALL HUNT!!!!!!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The LoveSac Warning Tag


I know I already read this to Dan and Cambry, but I think the warnings on a lovesac label are absolutely hilarious. They are as follows:

WARNING: Improper use of this product may cause injury or death.
Do not jump on the Lovesac--projecting oneself through open space is inherently dangerous--may cause injury or death.
Do not allow children to play unattended on the Lovesac--better yet, do not allow your children to play unattended at all.
Do not eat the LoveSac foam--more importantly, do not inhale--may damage your political career.
Do not allow people to play underneath the Lovesac, or anything else for that matter--may cause injury or death.
Keep away from heaters.
Failure to keep your LoveSac fluffed may cause injury or death to your sac.
Failure to regularly wash your sac is just gross, and could somehow lead to injury or death.
Failure to share the love will only cause you to lose friends--possibly resulting in injury or death.

Anyway. That was kind of random. And really all I had to say. For now. :)
Haha!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

EFY

So...

Things you should know about me, if you didn't infer from the last post or from my lack of posts like it, EVER on this blog... I am a terrible camera owner. I am also a terrible cell phone owner, but I got a lot better all of a sudden. :) I don't use my ipod much, either, but it does find more use than either of those two. Back to cameras.

I didn't take many pictures at EFY. Sad day, right? :( Well, I was GOING to take pictures of everyone on Friday (our goodbye day) but unfortunately my friend dropped my camera, busted the lens, and now I have no camera. :'( *sniff*

Anyway. What I was trying to say is sorry for the lack of pictures. I'll try to steal some from my EFY facebook friends, but we'll see. You know.

*********

SO.... EFY!! :)

I was moderately excited to go. I was hesitant to leave my friends for an entire week, but at least I was with my best friend Sabrina all week! We were roommates, which was very fun. I also went with my cousins Brandon and Nicole, but they weren't in my company so I only got to see them at dances and occasionally the classes.

On Monday, "orientation day," we did fun things like goal setting, FHE activities, and a session fireside. We met our company, a group of 20-something boys and girls that becomes our family at EFY. My company was BIG, with 16 girls and 12 guys. We had a hard time bonding due to the contention between our counselors. It mostly came down to prejudice, but by the end of the week it was an issue of pride. For me and Sabrina the problem was resolved on Thursday, which made things a lot better for the last two days. :)

Anyway, our company name was "They Shall Hunt." Weird, but whatever. ;) I made some neat people, like Landon, Adrian, Jacob, Janessa, and Aly. Also I had some great spiritual experiences. At EFY you go to eight classes total, which are basically AP Seminary classes. I love them so much, they're my favorite part of EFY. Also, we had two dances, one on Tuesday (which got rained on, rainbow-ed on, then lightning-and-thundered on. It was sweet!), and the other on Friday. Wednesday was game night, which wasn't too exciting, and later pizza night. Thursday is often considered the "spiritual day" because you wear Sunday dress, go to YM/YW activities, and then have firesides and testimony meeting. It was neat to hear from the people in my company, many have strong testimonies I admire. I enjoyed Thursday. I also enjoyed Friday, but really, I was ready to leave when I arrived on Monday.

I am a brat, I know. I was counting down the days just a little bit. It was hard to shift my focus away from my friends at home and on to the people surrounding me at EFY, but I made it work. ;) My testimony was definitely strengthened from going, I had some great times, and I'm glad my last year at EFY turned out all right! :D

Oh, and we had a wonderful session director. On Thursday during our morning fireside with just the young women, he showed us this:



Haha I love this so much.

I like my whole house, too. I'm glad to be back... :D


Saturday, July 2, 2011

Monday Night Adventures

Family Night, Monday. GREAT NIGHT! :) I love my family.

We went to the Cascade Park and had a little picnic, then afterwards we played baseball in the park. I know it's amazing, but for once, I actually BROUGHT my camera with me. And then (*gasp*) I USED it!!! Here are some of the pictures from the evening:

Brad in mid-swing.

Brianna's up to bat and looking lovely. ;)


My Dad~showing off his pitching skill.

We weren't there for very long when the sprinkers in the soccer field next to us started to go off, and my little brothers started to go for it.


Here are the boys--wet and apparently very happy about it. :)


...Well, kind of. I'm guessing that's a scream of joy.


I thought this one was cool--Brayden's in midair.


I love this face. :P



Sprinker limbo.

My mom, sister, and I just sat around and watched most of the time.


Brianna and my mom, guarding the pile.


Me



My little sister is GORGEOUS!! :)



Also, I just had to post this one. It's not family night unless somebody cries. :)



So there you have it! Our Monday Night adventures. :)
Fun stuff. ;)