The Warning Label

I think people should come with warning labels.
Neatly printed and handed out on street corners, and left in the practice rooms, and scattered over various sidewalks and apartment complexes. Better yet, we should all have a warning label taped on to our foreheads or worn on one of those, "Hi, my name is..." stickers.

Mine would probably say something like:

Hi. My name is Brittney
I'm slightly insane
a little neurotic
an avid over-thinker and
a musician at heart.
I tend to be indirect, insecure, and inconsistent,
but I'm also the best person I've ever been, as of today.

So let's be friends.
Life can only get better!
But just a warning: being friends is for forever.

Good Times, Way Back When

Aren't we just adorable??

:)

Oh, I'm going to miss those times.

Bear Lake!

For Cambry, Sabrina, and I, family vacation was long-awaited and joyfully received! The three of us had a fantastic time, along with my family, which was so gracious as to put up with us! The week was filled with fun times at the lake, hanging out at the cabin, hiking and biking, and plenty of you-just-HAD-to-be-there moments. From screaming about the moth infestation to laughing hysterically for no reason at all, a trip to Bear Lake was just what I needed!

Here are some highlights from the week:

Just arrived at the cabin!

Hot tubbing!!

Playing games at the cabin.

I have gorgeous best friends. Cambry looks like a beach model! :D

And here's Sabrina! Looking amazing, as always. :D

We're professionals.

"The King's Castle"

"Repunzel's Castle"

The "Evil" Castle

She's a superhero!

Just chillin' at the beach. :) Eating cookies.

Sabrina and Cambry out boating!

We rented a surrey!! :D fun fun fun

...and stopped for pictures!

Three besties

BFFs!! :D

On the count of three, turn around!!! (tNote the increasing levels of inappropriate "flaunt your butt"ness....  ;P)

The kids, just after biking

We visited Minnetonka Cave (as you can see) and it was WAY cool!

Just before the entrance

Our family

We're sorta crazy :)

And that's all! :)

The Highlight Reel

Well, guys, we made it. Grades are final and graduation is upon us! And I've been meaning to do this for a while, and I just thought here's as good a place as any to share it. :) I realize not many people will get the jokes or remember those times, but for me, and for Cambry, and for many of our friends, these three years at Orem High really were filled with some great times worth remembering.

Now, let's take all the fun times and go rock the Y! :D But before that, here comes the Highlight Reel (:


Sophomore Year Highlights
- I made the All-State Jazz Band! (which is sorta a big deal when you're just a sophomore)
- Group of friends?: Cambry, Nick, David, Jason, Hunter, Tom, Kolten, Tyson
- Dominating the Honors English debate blog
- Hanging out in the cross hall by my locker during lunch
- Busting a move in front of Jackson, unintentionally
- The impromptu play by David and Tom, that one day outside
- The day David and Jason climbed the giant dirt pile and attempted to do par kour off the building.
- Riding the bus back and forth to Mountain View every day for Spanish 4
- Studying like crazy for APUSH
- The SASSY 7!
- Boy Scouts!!! [i.e. the Sassy 7 (the 7 girls in jazz band) trying to scout out all the cute boys at jazz festivals, and pretty much everywhere else]
- That HUGE crush I had on JPHB......... :D :D :D :D (I still think we're going to get married. For reals.)
- Mr. Summers shaking my hand and saying, "you're in"
- Playing for concerto night
- Wearing sombreros during an after school band rehearsal
- "Bandmasta Summers!"
- My surprise 16th birthday party
- "OHS Jazz Band takes over the world, take 5"
- JAZZ RETREAT
- Touring the new school while being pushed on a cart :)

Junior Year Highlights
- Dan Metro moved in!
- HUUUUGE group of friends at our lunch spot. (Officially dubbed the "bandies")
- BAND TOUR. (Nuff said.)
- The let's-pretend-to-play-instruments-we-don't-really-play game in the band room.
- Lucky Unders
- Winning reflections 2011
- Moviepartymoviepartymovieparty.......... can we hold hands?
- Les Mis pit orchestra (dancing in the lockers!)
- Spring Break texting, like, the whole time
- Music theory battles with Mr. Keyes
- project ME
- JAZZ RETREAT (and playing Scum 24/7)
- Nerd battling with Dan. And keeping score. And winning. :D
- Hiking the Y
- Taking physics with Mr. Clark. Still my favorite class, by far.
- Straight I's at State Band!
- Going to the Jon Schmidt concert over the summer

Senior Year Highlights
- "Brain waves? IN PHASE!"
- Getting accepted to BYU
- Becoming a music major (audition day!)
- Playing with the Utah Wind Symphony
- Val.E.Dic.Tor.I.An.
- Marching Band trip to St. George
- that one time me and Cam and Dan hung out :)
- Winning STATE Basketball
- "It's not gonna happen... IT'S GONNA HAPPEN!"
- Music Sterling Scholar
- JAZZ RETREAT
- All State Jazz/Band/Honor Band
- Mr. Downs' first kiss story
- Afternoons in the park
- Falling asleep in Financial Lit
- Swing dancing through Jazz Band
- The most epic, amazing Jazz concert of ALL TIME
- Graduation!!! :)

I Hope You See That, Too

Everyone always tells me not to care about what anyone else thinks. "The most important person to impress is yourself."   'Integrity is being the same person in your house as you are on the street.'

But I have a problem with all of these arguments, because the way I see it, you can't just live your life with your hands in the air, going, "I am ME and if you've got a problem with that, I don't CARE!" You can't justify yourself like that. Yes, it's good to love who you are. Yes, it's good to have self-esteem that won't break under the weight of words. But throwing all your cares out the window, accepting yourself by rejecting everyone else... it's not healthy. It's not right. While we should reject the WORLD, we should never reject the spirit.

That said, I'll admit right now that I care about what other people think of me. I care a lot. But the people whose opinions matter most to me are only those people I look up to. My parents, my family, my close friends, my leaders and teachers. I would never judge myself by anyone's standards but theirs, and most importantly, the Lord's.

 So I try to meet their expectations. I try to live up to the person I want to be, someone:

happy,

funny,

smart,
beautiful,

talented,

virtuous,

and kind.

I worry sometimes that I fall short. 

Like when I make a big deal about some little thing, and I'm not so happy. 

Or when I try to act funny and I end up being stupid at least half the time. 

To be smart is a relative term, and I'll admit that once in a while, I'm on the flip side of the card. 

It seems like I'm on the flip side of a lot of different cards a lot of the time.

But I'm trying, and when I fall, I pick myself back up. I brush off the dirt, tie my shoes, and move forward. Though someone's expectations will always be in the back of my mind, I can believe that I am happy, funny, smart, beautiful, talented, virtuous, and kind. And to you, whose opinion matters so much to me, I hope you see that, too.

Because I really do care about what you think of me.

My Night

Thursday, March 29th.
Utah Wind Symphony Concert featuring the Concerto Competition Winners

Best. Night. EVER!

I love insta :)

Seriously, it was such an amazing musical experience! I have been so looking forward to playing with them, and when the chance came, it was simply wonderful! The Utah Wind Symphony is so talented, tight, musical, and professional... I am SO lucky I had that chance to perform with them! Everything about it was so great.

First, the rehearsals leading up to the concert were neat. The first few were frustrating, because playing with 40 accompanists is very different from playing with one, but once we got the logistics worked out, everything started to run smoothly, and we all got a feel for the music. My piece is so fun to play with full accompaniment! It makes the big parts bigger and the cool parts cooler. Magic.

At rehearsal one night I met Mandy, the girl who I've been compared to basically my entire high school career. Mandy is a saxophonist who graduated from BYU a couple of years ago, and I'm basically following in her shadow--way to represent the lady saxophone players! ;D I also talked to a floutist who was on the judging panel for final auditions in Murray. She had some kind words to say to me as well. Overall I felt pretty welcome with the Utah Wind Symphony, and even though I was really nervous about speaking up, the overall feeling coming from the rehearsals and the group was very warm. :)

Thursday, my concert day, was pretty hectic with me and my mom running around getting ready, gathering everything I needed... My sister helped curl my hair, and then my neighbor did it in a gorgeous side-up-do and lent me some "WOW" earrings. Another neighbor provided some hair flowers to top it off. I wore this gorgeous blue dress, and walking out in it on stage..... ahh it felt good!

The performance was the best part! I had a fan club of over 30 sitting in the audience, and I played from my heart to them. I performed the piece memorized, and I played it better than I ever had in rehearsal. It was one of my best performances, and with the UWS behind me it was spectacular! Supposedly I'm going to get the professional recording of my piece, so we'll see if it's legal for me to post it here. :) If not, go look up Fantasia for Alto Saxophone by Claude T. Smith. GREAT piece.

A cool thing about being a soloist was hanging out backstage, where there was this guy named Alex who was my shephard for the night. He showed me where to go and when and provided me with anything I needed. I felt so cool hanging out in the {men's} dressing room {I don't know why they put me in there. Technically me, Whitney (flute soloist), and Max (euphonium soloist) all shared the room}. The room had a long counter with mirrors with bulb lights all around--I felt a little diva-like. And I took up half the counter with my stuff. :D It was great hahaha....

*taking up half the counter like a boss*

Right before the concert. Really excited to play!
(p.s. Max and Alex were in the room with me when I took this. They laughed at me--I'm kind of a dork sometimes. Nbd.)

The concert started off with a number with just Utah Wind Symphony, then Max followed. I performed my piece just before intermission, and right after, as I was just finishing putting my saxophone back in its case, my teacher Ray walked in. He was so proud of me. He gave me a hug and praised my performance. I thanked him for teaching me so well--he really is a wonderful teacher, and a great supporter of my music, and he's kind of like a musical father to me. I'm excited to continue studying under him at BYU! :D

My fan club attacked me when I came out during intermission and again after the concert was over. :) Haha it was so fun to see all my friends and family and neighbors there for me. I'm so glad they came (thank you everyone!)! Basically my whole night was amazing. It was something I had looked forward to for a long time, and it more than fulfilled my expectations! Definitely the biggest, most amazing, most memorable musical performance I've ever given in my entire life. Receiving the scholarship was also a highlight--I haven't decided what I'll do with it yet, but I'm thinking mouthpieces.

Anyway, that was my night. Enjoy the pictures! :)

Me with Scott Hagen, Music Director

Me, Mom, and Dad

The girlies

My AMAZING SUPPORTIVE friends! Love you all!

Flowers! Thanks Landon, Dallin, and UWS!

The Difference

A boy's psychology to love and friendship

A girl's psychology to love and friendship

A boy's psychology {does not equal} a girl's psychology

And you know it's true.

But, you know what?

It's okay. :)

Life is good. 

:)

{Besides, you marry your best friend in the end anyway, so what does it matter which scale you're using?} ;D

Tracking the Dan-o-saur

Who knew that a ferociously fluffy T-rex, also known as The Dan-o-saur, would be so hard to track!?

We looked in University Mall, Walgreens, Shopko, Kmart, Target, Walmart, and Toys R Us until we finally found it. . .

A fuzzy fluffy furry ferociously frightening Rexy T-Rex pillow pet

PERFECT

for birthday gifts to 17-year-old boys. :)

Overall, from all the trips (each with increasing desperation, seeing as we were originally looking for a silly monkey...) and the wrapping and the laughing, it all took around three and a half hours.

Three and a half hours.

That's how much we love you, Dan! 

So

I hope you love the dino,

and that you have a very happy birthday!

FOUND IT!!! RAWRRRR!!!

Why I Say I'm Sorry

I say the words "I'm sorry" quite a lot. And it's not that I go around bumping into people or yelling mean things or doing anything that later requires an apology, but it's just that sometimes I feel like I need to say "I'm sorry."

I end up saying sorry for things that I really don't need to be sorry for. Talking too much to my friends, cleaning up a game, coughing too loud, whatever it might be. In my head it's the only thing I can really say in certain moments, and saying I'm sorry tends to help me feel less obnoxious, even if I'm not. And while it's not excessive, (usually no one notices), today one of my friends responded to my "sorry" with a sigh and the response, "You say you're sorry for like everything!"

Since that, I've been thinking about the reasons why I say sorry a lot. It's been on my mind all day, and I think I have it figured it out.

There are exactly three reasons why I say I'm sorry:

1. To apologize

2. To excuse minor or accidental offenses

3. To make me feel less insecure

The first two are obvious uses, but I especially do number three A LOT. Whenever I feel uncomfortable, when I'm worried about being annoying or offending someone with my existence, I say I'm sorry for everything. Maybe it's not the best habit, but it's certainly not the worst. Sometimes I'm just really really sorry because I'm really insecure for whatever reason. Super pathetic, but at least now it has an explanation. :)

Aerials in the Blue

Date: November 10, 2011
Occasion: Photoshoot
Assignment: Action Shots
Subjects: My awesome friends

Name: Dan
Pose: Mid-Backflip
Best Feature: Facial expression

Name: Scott
Pose: The "Awesome Jump"
Best Feature: Silhouette effect

Name: Garrett
Pose: Par kour
Best Feature: Sheer muscle strength

Name: Dan
Pose: Tripping
Best Feature: The angle

Name: Scott
Pose: Spin
Best Feature: Pure, manly elegance

Sweet, huh? ;D

(that was a lot of fun)

To my friends... Thanks for letting me take pictures of you guys...!!! :D

:)

Frostbitten

Welcome to the life of a teenage girl.

One day she's euphoric, another day she's depressed. Wait five minutes and she'll spit fire, or burst into song and dance, or simply take a vow of silence.

See, the silly things that go on in our heads make it that way. The silly things that mess with our hearts make it that way, too. I don't really understand it, but I live it. Kind of a scary thought.

So today at marching band, we were outside in 45 degree weather. I learned my lesson from yesterday, so I had bundled up a bit, but you can't play a clarinet with gloves on. Naturally my fingers were frostbitten by the end. I couldn't move them, couldn't feel them. They were just...

Numb.

And I feel like overall, I am too.

I woke up today and forgot how to feel. I forgot how to think. But it wasn't just today, it was this week. Time passes too quickly for me to keep up with, and with all the crazy, dramatic events that have happened to me recently, and then suddenly reaching a strange calm where I'm past the "cooling off" point and into the "freezing point," I feel numb all over. So hopelessly confused and ignorant, like there's nothing for me to think about or be excited for or dread or consider or contemplate or wish for or anything! I'm just... alive. And it's weird.

I don't really know how to explain it. It's like seeing in black and white after years of viewing color. It's like eating cream of wheat after a triple-layer chocolate cake. It's basically dealing with normal, boring, everyday life events after riding a roller coaster of new and exciting drama.

Drama... We hate it, but we love it, too. That's why we make it. Let's just hope it's worth it.

When it comes to working stuff out, there is nothing "wrong" anymore. What happened last week is years away in everyone's mind. And there's no going back to it, there's no longing or regret. Then why do I feel so empty? It doesn't make sense...

It must be frostbite.

But enough of that. I need to be happy. With a freezing heart, I have to do all I can to warm up, move around, anything to avoid the blizzard. I have to invigorate my sense of being, restore my sense of self, and snap back into it. Maybe somewhere, somehow, or with help from someone, I can defrost.

How it Goes

Life has been crazy. In a good way, I think. At least I hope. :) General Conference was this past weekend, and it was fantastic. I loved the talks, and I'm really excited about the new temple in Provo. I heard some great things--things that inspired me, things that uplifted me, things I need to work on, things I'm currently doing well on, things that make me think, all sorts of things. It was wonderful and I'm thankful for that opportunity. :)

Aside from that, school has been insane. Took an AP Chem test today, hope I do okay... :) haha. I don't know. :)

So... My week last week was really, really hard. I'll spare you the details, but basically there was a lot of drama, and it was hard to absorb. BUT, in an optimistic point of view, I'm not sad anymore. :) I LOVE MY LIFE!!! :D And I'm still shocked at how that all worked out, but let me just say this:

BEST FRIENDS ARE AMAZING AND WONDERFUL AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

Seriously. Cambry has dealt with my cry moments ALL week and has been so patient, and then on Saturday (the worst day by far), she called me after conference and asked if I needed a pick-me-up. :) It was SO good, SO fun, and incredibly and amazingly therapeutic. Cambry and Scott took me to get ice cream, and then took me to a park to talk and cry and stuff. They both had words of advice, and though it wasn't a specific thing that was said, I felt a lot better. I just needed to acknowledge the pain to someone outside my family, and I'm so glad Cambry and Scott were there for me. As we were leaving the park, Cambry said, "Brittney, don't cry anymore," and I think I took that to heart, specially delivered from my brain. :) It was almost a cure-all.

After Scott had to go to priesthood session, I adopted myself into Cambry's family. I joined her and her mom for dinner, and then went with them to IKEA (new favorite store, seriously) to eat amazing chocolate cake. Seriously, Girls night + chocolate = therapy!! :)I had such a good time. :D

And honestly, I don't know how that worked out so well. I think Heavenly Father had a LOT to do with it, and I am so thankful to Him for helping me through this. I am also so thankful for Cambry, and my mom, and Scott, and Cambry's family, and everyone else who's been there to support me. It means a lot to be loved and supported, and I hope that I can learn from this and do the same for them. :) Life is good. Fantastic, actually. :D

And, well, that's all I've got to say!

Life is good. And it's so much better when you're looking UP. :)

in C O N C E R T

Last night was a fantastic night!!! I got to go see Jon Schmidt and Steven Sharp Nelson in CONCERT!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH THEY WERE SO AMAZING!!!

Oh my gosh. I love them.

I went with Cambry, Dan, Sabrina, Kennen, and Tyson. It was at Thanksgiving Point in the Waterfall Amphitheater and it was fabulous. Absolutely wonderful. I loved LOVED the music, all their cheesy jokes. I loved being there with my friends. Even though I almost ruined it by forgetting the tickets, and then getting freezing cold right at the end... It was still just, well... Amazing.

So just barely, I was thinking about the amazingness of the concert and I decided to stalk Jon Schmidt, and I found this video. I just smiled and laughed the whole time, DANG it's cute!!! :D Enjoy.

EFY

So...

Things you should know about me, if you didn't infer from the last post or from my lack of posts like it, EVER on this blog... I am a terrible camera owner. I am also a terrible cell phone owner, but I got a lot better all of a sudden. :) I don't use my ipod much, either, but it does find more use than either of those two. Back to cameras.

I didn't take many pictures at EFY. Sad day, right? :( Well, I was GOING to take pictures of everyone on Friday (our goodbye day) but unfortunately my friend dropped my camera, busted the lens, and now I have no camera. :'( *sniff*

Anyway. What I was trying to say is sorry for the lack of pictures. I'll try to steal some from my EFY facebook friends, but we'll see. You know.

*********

SO.... EFY!! :)

I was moderately excited to go. I was hesitant to leave my friends for an entire week, but at least I was with my best friend Sabrina all week! We were roommates, which was very fun. I also went with my cousins Brandon and Nicole, but they weren't in my company so I only got to see them at dances and occasionally the classes.

On Monday, "orientation day," we did fun things like goal setting, FHE activities, and a session fireside. We met our company, a group of 20-something boys and girls that becomes our family at EFY. My company was BIG, with 16 girls and 12 guys. We had a hard time bonding due to the contention between our counselors. It mostly came down to prejudice, but by the end of the week it was an issue of pride. For me and Sabrina the problem was resolved on Thursday, which made things a lot better for the last two days. :)

Anyway, our company name was "They Shall Hunt." Weird, but whatever. ;) I made some neat people, like Landon, Adrian, Jacob, Janessa, and Aly. Also I had some great spiritual experiences. At EFY you go to eight classes total, which are basically AP Seminary classes. I love them so much, they're my favorite part of EFY. Also, we had two dances, one on Tuesday (which got rained on, rainbow-ed on, then lightning-and-thundered on. It was sweet!), and the other on Friday. Wednesday was game night, which wasn't too exciting, and later pizza night. Thursday is often considered the "spiritual day" because you wear Sunday dress, go to YM/YW activities, and then have firesides and testimony meeting. It was neat to hear from the people in my company, many have strong testimonies I admire. I enjoyed Thursday. I also enjoyed Friday, but really, I was ready to leave when I arrived on Monday.

I am a brat, I know. I was counting down the days just a little bit. It was hard to shift my focus away from my friends at home and on to the people surrounding me at EFY, but I made it work. ;) My testimony was definitely strengthened from going, I had some great times, and I'm glad my last year at EFY turned out all right! :D

Oh, and we had a wonderful session director. On Thursday during our morning fireside with just the young women, he showed us this:

Haha I love this so much.

I like my whole house, too. I'm glad to be back... :D

Today We Got Lost

But the experience was still amazing!! :)

Cambry and I went to the Provo temple this morning. I drove, and, well, we got LOST. We roamed about residential areas, BYU campus, and who-knows-where until finally we made it after 40 minutes of driving. We were SO close SO many times, but... wow.

It turned out to be a good thing, though. We went to the temple last week with our guy friends, but it felt like I hadn't been there in a long time. I am so incredibly glad and grateful we're doing temple trips every week in the summer. I need the temple more than I realize, and it definitely strengthens me every time I go. I just... feel good afterwards. Clean. :) I love that feeling.

Anyway, because I haven't really done this yet, I'll also give a little update on life and politics:

School got out on June 3rd, with graduation. I am so incredibly excited to be a senior this next year, because it will be a party!!! :) I will miss the seniors much-ly, but I guess life has to take its course. You know.

I didn't really have a "break" for summer once school let out. It didn't feel any different, because the transition from the last-week-of-school slack to the marching band schedule wasn't weird at all. Marching band is actually really fun. I do admit, I'm glad I only did it my senior year, but for what it's worth I'm enjoying it. Being a section leader is fun and sometimes rewarding, and I also enjoy the marching (sometimes) and also the incredible music. :) Show season will be a LOT of time, but it will also be a blast.

As for other summer activities... I went to Youth Conference last week, and it was a great experience. I helped plan it with the Stake Youth Council, which was cool. We went up to Heber Valley Girls' Camp with the theme of the QUEST (for anything virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy). We did some Zumba (SO FUN!!!), some flag-making with our team, a kereoke dance (which was entertaining and also very fun), and then the QUEST. The speakers were amazing, and I learned a lot from them. I got to hang out with Cambry, Sabrina, Scott, and a few others, and... haha... good times. Lots of memories. :) The penguin shuffle (we were cold), brownies ("she needs her chocolate,") and yeah. It was a blast.

We got home, and I went on a triple date, and guess who was there, too?!! SABRINA!!!! My bestest friend ever finally turned sixteen!!! Oh boy I'm so excited. :) Life is good.

Anyway I think that's about it. I'll be going to EFY in a week or so, here, then Girls Camp is at the end of July. MB is still going on, and I'm working on a saxophone concerto to audition for the Utah Symphony Salute to Youth. I also bought some sheet music the other day to THIS brilliant Pirates medley: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzGgX1DihPw&feature=mfu_in_order&list=ULL

And basically, I guess the moral of the story is that.... LIFE IS GOOD. The temple is good. Summer is great, and guess what we figured out today?

"You can't get to the temple without BOYS!!!" --Cambry

Hahaha great times. Anyway.

I'm out. :)

25 Things I've Done This Summer

1. Joined Marching Band (!!!) and had a BLAST rehearsing (?) and marching the parade. :)

2. Played all day at Summerfest with my friends. We listened to UPB perform, looked at shops, and went on "big kid rides," (I'm a big kid now... whooo!!!)

3. Watched Finding Nemo

4. Ate pizza at least three times a week

5. Went to a student concert at BYU with some friends--it was AMAZING!!! And parts of it were really funny. I also left my phone there and had to pick it up the next morning.

6. Became a better teacher by learning from Ray Smith at my clarinet lesson. :)

7. Saw the biggest, most amazing bouffant EVER on this lady at Macey's.

8. Experienced 24/7 cruise buffet service while hanging out in the mountains for a bit. ;)

9. Practiced my saxophone standing up on a chair.

10. Screamed in the car when my friend said, "GREEN LIGHT!!!"

11. Decided to change my name to Lawrence... haha...

12. Played through my Jon Schmidt piano books.

13. Went to the library, read some, talked some.

14. Hung out in the playground, swinging on my swing and sitting in the clubhouse while thinking all the while.

15. Got a little tan... woot!! I'm still super white, but at least I'm not Caspar anymore! :)

16. Made cookies.

17. Cried

18. Laughed with my new favorite YW leaders... oh my goodness, they're awesome. :D

19. Learned how to pronounce "c"s with a Swahili accent

20. Went to Youth Conference and had a BLAST with friends and wardies.

21. Danced ZUMBA!! :)

22. Walked down the street wearing navy sweatshorts, tacky black socks and marching shoes.

23. Drove my family crazy by lying on the floor moaning, "I'm.... bored.... uggghhhh..."

24. Improv-ed on the piano. I'm trying to find a name and a form for the quirky, plucky song in D.

25. Laughed at myself. :D

I Hate Word Games

They make me feel incredulously stupid (ignore the big word).

Like the camping game ("WE'RE GOING CAMPING! What are you bringing?!").
It's a word game where you can bring some things, but can't bring others. You try to figure out the rule.

But it's so unrealistic!!

Get this: I can't bring Sabrina, but I can bring Ina. AND THEY'RE THE SAME PERSON!!!!

Oh my gosh I was getting so mad. And, okay, the reason why I was getting all hyped up was because I couldn't figure out the rule. Like I said, I have certain mental inhibitions that drive me insane ("why didn't I think of that!??"). I am utterly astounded by my lack of cognitive or constructive thinking, which I often discover but rebury because the condition is unfavorable.

I read this essay called "Intellect" by Ralph Waldo Emerson. First things, the essay was brilliant (despite its many contradictions), but I really attached myself to this view of intellect constructive vs. intellect receptive.

The essay held that most people have only intellect receptive, at best. A genius is someone with intellect constructive, that is, the ability to combine facts, emotions, and current situations into original, coherent thoughts. I read this, and marked it bright purple. It's something I can relate to.

At the time I believed that I had part of this intellect constructive. After all, I get the glossy "that was deep" look all the time from people who aren't used to me, and sometimes even friends who ARE. I flattered myself a genius.

Alas. I was sorely mistaken. If I can't put two and two together to find the rule for word games, or even come close to considering wondering about something remotely relatable... Then I must be mediocre. Or worse... incredulously stupid.

I include the word "incredulous" for a reason. I speak of mental inhibitions, in that, I have a hard time being original. I glean everything I write, speak, play, and think off what someone else shows me. Again, so much for intellect constructive; not even a thought is my own. I am inauthentic and base in my intelligence, and--can you believe it?--I further handicap myself by refusing to accept other modes of thought aside from previous ones. I hate progress, apparently, and I hate that.

Why am I so stubborn?

Back to word games. "Look how ANGRY she's getting!" one of my friends exclaims. "Don't you get it?" they all wanted to know. "Double syllables?" Really? I'm that stupid? I performed my best distraught sketch, falling over onto Cambry's shoulder, half-laughing, half-self-condemning. My friends tried to mediate my inner crisis, but no one really made me feel better.

"It's okay, Brittney, I don't get it either," they tried to say.

Well, how on Earth does your lack of mental function relate to mine?! I screamed in my head.

I'm obviously still upset about it, and you know what's worse? I feel stupid feeling upset about being stupid. I repeat: I hate word games when I'm the one playing. Publicly failing is something I can handle, but when my intellectual capacity is involved?

That's a little much.

Day 4

Day 4: Your favorite photograph(s) of your best friend(s)

I am terrible at taking/getting pictures of my besties. This is basically all I have, but I plan to take LOTS more this week on tour!!! If you haven't heard...

I'm goin' to DISNEYLAND!!! With Sabrina and Cambry and Amy and Shanessa and Ashley and Jessica and yeah!!! It's going to be the best. Ever.
















Cambry and Me
















Sabrina and Me

I love my besties!! <3

You Will Not Be Missed

Dear Drama,

As far as I've understood it, you and I have had a shun-shun relationship for some time now: I ignore you, you ignore me. That was the deal.

But since entering high school, I've found that it's much too difficult to stick with the program. No offense, but High School reeks of you. You're everywhere, and it makes everything so much more complicated--I can't even have a normal conversation with my best friends without having to deal with a little of you. This has got to stop. Don't take it personally, but get the heck out of my life. I'm sorry, but it's over. We're done. Kindly remove yourself from my presence.

Oh, and while you're busy packing up, be a dear and get out of my friends' lives as well. They don't need any of your "products" (rumors). None of your yearly "specials" (prom drama). I bet you anything they don't even want your ad stickers (any high school relationship) floating around the school. Please.

I don't mean to be harsh, but this is the way it's got to be. I feel bad our earlier arrangement didn't work out, but honestly--how long can you ignore someone without eventually stepping on their toes?

Drama, it's done. Please take it and face the fact that Orem High is a lost cause. And if you find you have too much room in your schedule after this, go and bother the politicians for crying out loud! They love you! Just don't ever think to come back, and we're all good.

Thanks so much for understanding. You're a rotten peach.

'Till never,

Maestro

Remember This?

We stayed up late one night deciding what everyone would be if we were a fairytale.

It was splendid fun.

By the way, I am a countess, but I am particularly proud of the munks in the window.