One of the strangest forms of human communication is The Compliment. Unlike The Reprimand, The Comfort, The Insult, The Joke, or The Silence Stuffer, the whole idea of The Compliment is to make the other person feel good inside. :)
Compliments make people happy. I like getting them, I like giving them. It's important for people to compliment other people, because with life always trying to tear us down, we all need something to build us up once in a while. But something interesting I've noticed about people is that everyone's definition of complimenting is different.
Some people compliment obnoxiously. To them, every conversation is a jump at a kind word. Not that there's anything WRONG with that, necessarily, but because these people give so many compliments, eventually they fail to mean much to the recipients of such constant praising.
And then there are people that you never hear a compliment come out of their mouths. Ever. And it's not that they don't think them, they just don't express them. Ever. It makes earning one a huge deal, even if the compliment received says little but means a lot.
From my observation, though, the majority of people are somewhere in between the two extremes. Both in what they say and in what they need to hear. Some people prefer constant compliments, while others prefer to hear them sparingly. The question is, how do you become an ideal complimenter so that both you and your peers will be comfortable with the level of complimenting going back and forth? Where's the middle ground?
From my observation, though, the majority of people are somewhere in between the two extremes. Both in what they say and in what they need to hear. Some people prefer constant compliments, while others prefer to hear them sparingly. The question is, how do you become an ideal complimenter so that both you and your peers will be comfortable with the level of complimenting going back and forth? Where's the middle ground?
I've been thinking about this, and I recently decided that it doesn't matter so much how often you give compliments, but the quality of the compliments you give. I believe that a general rule of thumb for complimenting others is that the best compliments are both specific and sincere.
Let's take some examples.
Example #1: "You're awesome."
Oh, the epitome of yearbook-signing and silence-filling flippancy! Go die somewhere tragic. Basically, this type of compliment is neither specific or sincere. In fact, it's considered a go-to compliment, or even a conversation fall-back. Not that it doesn't have it's place... sometimes words like these are all you CAN say. And others definitely appreciate them. But if you allow insincere, unspecific words like these to do the warm-fuzzy-delivering-work for you, you're going to end up crying on a park bench when you're sixty, still single.
Example #2: "You are truly one of the most amazing people I've ever met."
This is a very sincere compliment, but it's not necessarily specific. To make it a good one, elaborate. Something along the lines of, "You inspire me with the way you always smile and reach out to other people." Sometimes a single sincere statement is not enough for the other person to feel the magnitude of your sincerity.
Example #3: "I like your eyebrows."
I know, I know, I have TOTALLY said this on occasion, and will continue to do so as long as people with amazing eyebrows exist. But while this compliment is very specific, it's not always sincere. I mean, really, how much do people care about eyebrows? XD While sometimes you can't resist the urge to comment on that person's AMAZING left bicep, try finding some other, more mainstream qualities to compliment on as well. :)
Example #4: "Your hair looks very nice today!"
This is a prime example of a GREAT compliment. It's specific (about the hair) and sincere (proved more by the tone of voice). But the reason I used THIS as an example is because of how mundane it is. "I like your hair. . . " It sounds cliche, but it still means a lot. This goes to show that truly sincere and specific compliments like these are actually easier to come up with than you might think (so there's not much pressure,) and even easier to give out.
Again, it's not about how often you compliment others as long as you sure to give compliments where they're due. :) It's about how specific and sincere you are. So once you master those two aspects of The Compliment, you'll find that a simple word to someone can go a looong way.
Again, it's not about how often you compliment others as long as you sure to give compliments where they're due. :) It's about how specific and sincere you are. So once you master those two aspects of The Compliment, you'll find that a simple word to someone can go a looong way.
Anyway. I realize this subject is kind of random, but hey, now there's one less cranial conundrum to solve in the world! So go out and have a compliment party like there's no tomorrow! :D
Peace out, people. :)
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