Reaction

I'm not sure how I felt about that audition.

Caleb Chapman was there listening to me. He and Ray nodded at each other a couple times during the etude, and then the improvisation. I think I accidentally killed the sightreading. It was fairly difficult, and I think I made the biggest mistake of all time: I wasn't sure what key I was in.

Something Ray said as I walked out bothered me: a smile, and then "Thanks for playing."

It almost sounded like, "good try."

I could have done a lot better. I should have... well, maybe not. My etude went well, minus the finger slip on the last line that really wasn't so bad. Ray told me to connect my notes more during the improvisation, but for the most part, they were nodding and listening. Sight-reading... well, you can imagine how that went. :/

I wonder if Ray will base his decisions strictly off today's audition. I wouldn't be surprised if he did--he's a good man, and so he will be fair. But I'm guessing that if it comes down to me and someone else for 2nd alto, Ray will speak up for me. That of course, doesn't say anything about getting lead.

I'm not sure if I'm in the running for lead anymore. My feelings are mixed, for what Ray said is kind of weighing down on me. They didn't seem super excited--but I can't really tell what they were thinking. Which is weird, for me. Perhaps the biggest indicator is that I'm not sure I'm in the mood for daydreaming about making it... It could just be nerves, but then again, I was ecstatic after my All-State audition.

I really hope I make it. I really, really hope so. I want this.

In the past, hasn't that been reason enough?

I have until Friday to see.