I don't have much to say other than that my technological frustrations are hindering my creative intuitions, and that in about 8 minutes I'm going to be kicked off.
Right now I am in AP Music Theory, awaiting the signal to go down to the Homecoming assembly, and trying not to be too bored. I finished completely with all the theory I can possibly do on Alfred Music Theory (which, by the way, is a terrible program, albeit incredibly easy) and on top of that: I can't open my Finale NotePad docs on this version, I am constricted in writing by the fact that the entire row in front of me is filled with people, and I left my book in the choir room.
Which leaves me my thoughts on bracers and this blog. Lucky me.
Anywho. Tomorrow is the big day. I will be auditioning for the prestigious and highly competitive group Super Band, which will not only empty my pockets but provide me new experiences in music I have not yet had. I'm really looking forward to being in the group... at least, I'm assuming I will make it in, since 1.) I've already pounded this fact into the near-reality via dreaming and over-confidence, and 2.) Ray Smith says I have a "pretty good shot" at it--it being lead alto. And if I don't get that, he says, I will surely get second.
I'm not sure how things will go, being in the best high school jazz band in the world. I'm praying there will be other girls in the group, so I have someone to talk to and tour Japan with. I also hope that if I make lead, I will measure up, at least to some extent.
This, perhaps, is my greatest fear. Failing to meet the expectations. OHS Jazz Band was fine--I was the best player in the section by far, and so I had a lot to contribute to the other players. But Super Band? Where all but one of the saxes is sure to be better than me? What do I have to offer--nothing. They already know the theory I have, they already play at levels that should inspire me. I suppose I could just issue the orders, and let Derek or Derek come up with what we should be working on. But then, they wouldn't have any respect. I would be their pawn, their weak link.
Of course, there's always the chance that I will make second alto. It would eliminate said fears, but what would I lose? Pride? Ego? The knowledge that my hold on my own destiny is slipping?
But then--what of Providence? Whatever is meant to happen will, I'm sure of it. But I've always had an intuitive sense of what was meant to be and what wasn't. It's a feeling in my gut, something more secure than just petty daydreaming. It's this amazing feeling--playing out the future while in the present. That's how this feels, about Super Band. Maybe it's because there's more at stake here, but If I'm wrong... how will I react?
Luckily, I only have to wait until tomorrow. Audition first thing in the morning, no time to get nervous about it (although nervousness, when effectively transferred to adrenaline, is a huge help to me in these types of things). After that--Homecoming! And then--Piano Competition! Following--All-State Auditions! Along with--starting lessons again! Afterwards--I don't know, but I'm sure to be busy. I involve myself in so many things for a reason, it saves me from drowning in my own thoughts by having too much free time.
Well, the bell has rung. Time for that long, potentially pointless assembly. At least it'll be something other than cold fingers and a writing lab of boredom.
Next time then.
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