Music Major Confession: Practicing is very likely number 2390 on my list of things I want to do at any given moment. During school, I force myself to get it done, and I really have enjoyed it. But the second school lets out, the pressure's gone and I'm outta there. As President of Music Majors Against Practicing, it makes me really respect music majors who actually ENJOY practicing, even during break.
Basically, what I decided today that I am really really really really bad at practicing during Christmas break. I think I've practiced twice, total, since school got out. And for just an hour at a time.
It's whatever. I think I'm just going to sit back and enjoy my break. Saxophone causes me a lot of stress--while I LOVE being a part of Synthesis and the sax studio, while I enjoy playing in general and I do want to get better at it and eventually earn a performance degree with it, it's something that I'm not naturally driven to do.
As a music major I often feel that I am obligated to love practicing and to sell my soul to my instrument. But look, I'm not going to do that. I may be the laziest music major at BYU, and that's pretty pathetic considering I have had so many incredible opportunities this year, as a freshman, that some people never have in all their years at BYU. (Maybe that's not true. But still, my freshman year has been quite incredible.)
Really, though, all pessimism aside, I think my qualms with practicing just go to show that when it comes to playing the saxophone and other wind instruments, I don't do it for myself. I don't enjoy playing for myself, but I enjoy playing it for other people. In a band, in an audience, even to someone standing in a practice room to hear what I'm working on. I don't think I would ever "just get better" at saxophone to have the personal satisfaction of having done so. But I would work at it to lend my ability to a section or an ensemble or to a given performance--those are the things I love about it.
And--I don't know. Maybe that's how I landed myself in Synthesis on my first attempt, or in Wind Symphony, or a concerto competition. I love to play, but I never feel like I love it enough. I understand that I will probably never have adequate dedication to my instrument to really go somewhere or be somebody. But I like it alright, and if it serves Heavenly Father or His children in some small way, then I am going to keep doing it.
After christmas break is over, of course. ;P :)
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