"I Hate Mold" Rant

I hate mold. I just hate it so much. I hate mold. Guys, I hate mold. I HATE MOLD! I hate it. I really do. It's creepy, it's everywhere. It comes like a rapist--open the cupboard and BAM IT'S THERE! I hate hate hate hate hate double-exclamation-point-HATE mold!!

I hate mold.

Mold gets on my bread, mold grows on my cheese, I had to check everything twice to make sure there wasn't any mold but that's the thing about it, it'll always show up when you THINK you've found it all. Mold grows on my hogies, my biscuits, my dinner rolls, and my freaking croissants. What does the mold want with my freaking croissants?

Mold hates me. It hates me very much. It's following me.

Mold could be anywhere. It could be on my poptart or in my popcorn or my crackers or in my cereal or baking soda or vegetables or the back of my refrigerator and guess what ELSE!? My hoooooonnneeeeyyyyy. What if mold could grow on my honey!??!?!?!?!? My life would be over. Ruined. Rejected by the good graces of the mold king, who i'm pretty sure lives in my cupboard because mold gets in everything after a few days. I HATE MOLD. I hate it I hate it I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate times infinity hate mold!

I hate mold. And do you wanna know WHY I hate it so much!? Because it's everywhere and I can't defrost more than half a loaf of bread at a time because the mold will start to grow and that means I have to cut out parts of the bread or just throw the whole thing away and if I do that then I won't be able to have my breakfast that ALWAYS consists of two pieces of toast with honey so if I don't have bread I don't have toast and if I don't have toast I don't have breakfast and if I don't have breakfast I might starve to death and die.

I don't want to die.

So there's the story. I just hate mold. I triple dog dare you to hate mold more than I hate it but that's not possible because I'm the hatiest. I just hate mold.

The End.