Thursday, September 27, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
It's Been Another Week, But it's Fine :)
I have a confession to make.
Sometimes, I think I am above trials. I think I shouldn't have to deal with stress from classes or from practicing or from having a busy schedule. The way I figure, people are starving in Africa or fighting a deadly disease or watching their families fall apart. Why should I complain about having a certain English assignment or whine about being required to practice 10 hours a week? I mean, I'm above that, aren't I?
This week I learned that the answer, unquestionably, and invariably, is no.
I was so grumpy this past week. (Just ask Cambry. She'll tell ya. :D)
I was buckling under the weight of having a part-time job, taking 14.5 credits, and desperately needing to practice my instrument. I was procrastinating my homework to where I had to call in "sick" for work, and for the life of me I could not come to terms with any spiritual sense of peace. I felt lost, but as I examined and reexamined my life, I could not come up with a valid reason for why I felt the way I did. The list of things I was having a hard time with seemed too flimsy for me to accept. Instead of coming to terms with the fact that I was stressing about school, I moped through my week trying to juggle my stress with my pride.
After breaking down Thursday night, I finally realized my mistake.
I have trials because I am human. Not because I create them from being weak, not because I'm not strong enough to handle the apocalypse in the form of human trial. I struggle because I, like everyone else, am not perfect. I do have a divine destiny, but in order to reach that potential, I need to go through certain experiences and struggle with certain things. So regardless of how "silly" or "small" I may classify my challenges to be in comparison to others, that does not diminish the extent to which I struggle with them.
Being stressed about school is NOT beneath me. Not wanting to practice is not a federal offense. Having a hard time with feelings of jealously or incompetence for not pushing myself is a completely valid reason to feel the things I did. I am no better than anyone else, and therefore, I have no right to think that what I am going through isn't challenging enough in comparison to what someone else may be going through, to be conducive to the person I esteem myself to be, and to one day become.
I am doing fine just the way I am. :)
Since that realization, I have been doing and feeling so much better, and I wonder if sometimes we all go through phases like that. Phases where we see a trial approaching and just think, "There's no way that flimsy thing is going to be for me." And then it is. And then we look down on ourselves a little more for it, but it's fine. :) Eventually we come to terms with it. Some might even embrace it (saintly souls). I guess the thing to remember is just that no matter what comes at you, it's fine. You're not above it, and you can make it through.
Life is good. :)
Sometimes, I think I am above trials. I think I shouldn't have to deal with stress from classes or from practicing or from having a busy schedule. The way I figure, people are starving in Africa or fighting a deadly disease or watching their families fall apart. Why should I complain about having a certain English assignment or whine about being required to practice 10 hours a week? I mean, I'm above that, aren't I?
This week I learned that the answer, unquestionably, and invariably, is no.
I was so grumpy this past week. (Just ask Cambry. She'll tell ya. :D)
I was buckling under the weight of having a part-time job, taking 14.5 credits, and desperately needing to practice my instrument. I was procrastinating my homework to where I had to call in "sick" for work, and for the life of me I could not come to terms with any spiritual sense of peace. I felt lost, but as I examined and reexamined my life, I could not come up with a valid reason for why I felt the way I did. The list of things I was having a hard time with seemed too flimsy for me to accept. Instead of coming to terms with the fact that I was stressing about school, I moped through my week trying to juggle my stress with my pride.
After breaking down Thursday night, I finally realized my mistake.
I have trials because I am human. Not because I create them from being weak, not because I'm not strong enough to handle the apocalypse in the form of human trial. I struggle because I, like everyone else, am not perfect. I do have a divine destiny, but in order to reach that potential, I need to go through certain experiences and struggle with certain things. So regardless of how "silly" or "small" I may classify my challenges to be in comparison to others, that does not diminish the extent to which I struggle with them.
Being stressed about school is NOT beneath me. Not wanting to practice is not a federal offense. Having a hard time with feelings of jealously or incompetence for not pushing myself is a completely valid reason to feel the things I did. I am no better than anyone else, and therefore, I have no right to think that what I am going through isn't challenging enough in comparison to what someone else may be going through, to be conducive to the person I esteem myself to be, and to one day become.
I am doing fine just the way I am. :)
Since that realization, I have been doing and feeling so much better, and I wonder if sometimes we all go through phases like that. Phases where we see a trial approaching and just think, "There's no way that flimsy thing is going to be for me." And then it is. And then we look down on ourselves a little more for it, but it's fine. :) Eventually we come to terms with it. Some might even embrace it (saintly souls). I guess the thing to remember is just that no matter what comes at you, it's fine. You're not above it, and you can make it through.
Life is good. :)
I Just Love This So Much
I know what you're thinking. "Really, another music post?"
the answer is YES!
and you must must must listen to my favorite song in the world right now! It just makes me want to cry with happiness. :) :)
Seriously, I am calling dibs on this for my future wedding. It is just so adorable. :)
And of course, I have another playlist (and look! I figured out how to make a grooveshark playlist embed-able!) My favorites are Happier and Yellow Shirt. ;D Just in case you wanted to listen to those too.
Have a wonderful day!
the answer is YES!
and you must must must listen to my favorite song in the world right now! It just makes me want to cry with happiness. :) :)
Seriously, I am calling dibs on this for my future wedding. It is just so adorable. :)
And of course, I have another playlist (and look! I figured out how to make a grooveshark playlist embed-able!) My favorites are Happier and Yellow Shirt. ;D Just in case you wanted to listen to those too.
Have a wonderful day!
Friday, September 7, 2012
A La Carte
Don't you wish you could just pick and choose which things were on your mind at certain times? Kinda like at a restaurant, where you have the choice to order big things, small things, combos, or nothing at all. I can see it working out perfectly, can't you? See, right now, my menu would look something like this:
Attempts at Being a Writer - $9.99 Here comes round 293485792. I decided (again) that I'm going to try out this writing thing. During my (VERY) short-lived vacation from this blog, I found some words inside of me which I'm determined to get out and about. But brace yourself. I'm one of those philosophical types. It's not going to be one of those inspirational teenage heart-to-hearts or anything, so.... just warning you now. :)
A Farewell to Laziness - $7.99 For when you just need to set some goals for your academic career at BYU. It's been two weeks of classes, and I think I've just decided that I never want to show up to class unprepared, ever. It's a horrible experience, and just another sign of my immaturity (we'll talk about that later). Maybe back in high school I could get away with it, but then again, everybody did it back then. Here I'm surrounded by top-of-the class, 4.0 students. Everybody studies and tries to learn and comes to class prepared. I feel like the slacker of my freshman class, which is weird because I somehow managed to earn the distinction of valedictorian at the end of last year. Go figure. So, I'm deciding to say farewell to my laziness and procrastinatory tendencies.
Practicing for my Life (and sanity) - $11.99 I am both nervous and excited about being a music major. I used to be much more nervous than I am now, however, because before, I didn't know if being a music major was the right thing for me to do, or if it would even work out. Back when I was freaking out (which I did quite a lot, as you can guess), my biggest fear was that I was going to be entirely unmotivated. Personal drive, for me, is something I've struggled with, since I'm not one of those work-your-way-to-success stories. Rather, I'm one of those never-had-to-work-hard-a-day-in-her-life-but-succeeded-anyway stories. (I know. You can hate me. I really did work, it just felt like I didn't so I never complained about it.) College, I knew, is NOT a place natural talent can just float you through. You actually DO have to be motivated, and I was scared to death that I wasn't going to have the motivation necessary to succeed here. Turns out, that very fear is what gave me that motivation. I am absolutely scared to death of sucking. Therefore, I'm practicing. I'm practicing so I won't sound terrible, as well as for all those other altruistic purposes like saving the world through music, and stuff.
Just Dinner - $3.99 So I cooked dinner the other day. And it was actually edible! Aren't you proud of me? I get to do it again, and again, and again, and I'm pretty sure every time I'm going to be surprised it worked.
Sweating the Small Stuff - $8.99 Sometimes I take advice about BYU way too seriously. So seriously it's practically commandment. "Thou shalt spend as much time on campus as humanly possible. Thou shalt date a lot and invite boys over to your apartment so you can pretend to be cultured. Thou shalt be as involved in the community as you can, otherwise you live under a rock." So, that's a lot of pressure, but what if I don't wanna live under a rock! My solution is just doing my best. Like, last night we had some starving boys over for dinner, and right now I'm sitting outside of the McKay building pretending to study.
Over-appreciating the World - $4.99 Yes, it's possible. Whenever I see a kid walking around with a boom box over his shoulder like back in the 80's or notice a cute couple holding hands or walk along a nature path and notice a pretty flower, I have to fight the urge to take a picture, jot a note, or create a minute-by-minute update of why my life is so wonderful and the world so beautiful and the small things so appreciable. I mean, I know they say we should appreciate the little things in life, but I'm like micro-analyzing this.
Personally, if I were to glance down this menu, I wouldn't take any of this. I'd stand up, walk outside, and look for the nearest Panda Express.
But--and here's the catch--somewhere between now and back when I decided to start thinking like an individual instead of a mindless teenage zombie, all 7 entrees ended up on my plate. ALL SEVEN.
It leaves me thinking, seriously, who ordered this stuff?!
Sure as heaven wasn't me.
Brittney's Brain Cafe
Ultimate Fail - $6.99. That moment when you just wanna say, Agh! Like today, how I almost got asked on a date TWICE, and by two different people. But both times, my plans were screwed up by my own social or antisocial endeavors, that is, going to the rooftop concert with fictionist instead of (possibly) going on a date with a dashing young fellow, and working during the football game. Agh!Attempts at Being a Writer - $9.99 Here comes round 293485792. I decided (again) that I'm going to try out this writing thing. During my (VERY) short-lived vacation from this blog, I found some words inside of me which I'm determined to get out and about. But brace yourself. I'm one of those philosophical types. It's not going to be one of those inspirational teenage heart-to-hearts or anything, so.... just warning you now. :)
A Farewell to Laziness - $7.99 For when you just need to set some goals for your academic career at BYU. It's been two weeks of classes, and I think I've just decided that I never want to show up to class unprepared, ever. It's a horrible experience, and just another sign of my immaturity (we'll talk about that later). Maybe back in high school I could get away with it, but then again, everybody did it back then. Here I'm surrounded by top-of-the class, 4.0 students. Everybody studies and tries to learn and comes to class prepared. I feel like the slacker of my freshman class, which is weird because I somehow managed to earn the distinction of valedictorian at the end of last year. Go figure. So, I'm deciding to say farewell to my laziness and procrastinatory tendencies.
Practicing for my Life (and sanity) - $11.99 I am both nervous and excited about being a music major. I used to be much more nervous than I am now, however, because before, I didn't know if being a music major was the right thing for me to do, or if it would even work out. Back when I was freaking out (which I did quite a lot, as you can guess), my biggest fear was that I was going to be entirely unmotivated. Personal drive, for me, is something I've struggled with, since I'm not one of those work-your-way-to-success stories. Rather, I'm one of those never-had-to-work-hard-a-day-in-her-life-but-succeeded-anyway stories. (I know. You can hate me. I really did work, it just felt like I didn't so I never complained about it.) College, I knew, is NOT a place natural talent can just float you through. You actually DO have to be motivated, and I was scared to death that I wasn't going to have the motivation necessary to succeed here. Turns out, that very fear is what gave me that motivation. I am absolutely scared to death of sucking. Therefore, I'm practicing. I'm practicing so I won't sound terrible, as well as for all those other altruistic purposes like saving the world through music, and stuff.
Just Dinner - $3.99 So I cooked dinner the other day. And it was actually edible! Aren't you proud of me? I get to do it again, and again, and again, and I'm pretty sure every time I'm going to be surprised it worked.
Sweating the Small Stuff - $8.99 Sometimes I take advice about BYU way too seriously. So seriously it's practically commandment. "Thou shalt spend as much time on campus as humanly possible. Thou shalt date a lot and invite boys over to your apartment so you can pretend to be cultured. Thou shalt be as involved in the community as you can, otherwise you live under a rock." So, that's a lot of pressure, but what if I don't wanna live under a rock! My solution is just doing my best. Like, last night we had some starving boys over for dinner, and right now I'm sitting outside of the McKay building pretending to study.
Over-appreciating the World - $4.99 Yes, it's possible. Whenever I see a kid walking around with a boom box over his shoulder like back in the 80's or notice a cute couple holding hands or walk along a nature path and notice a pretty flower, I have to fight the urge to take a picture, jot a note, or create a minute-by-minute update of why my life is so wonderful and the world so beautiful and the small things so appreciable. I mean, I know they say we should appreciate the little things in life, but I'm like micro-analyzing this.
****************************************************************************
Personally, if I were to glance down this menu, I wouldn't take any of this. I'd stand up, walk outside, and look for the nearest Panda Express.
But--and here's the catch--somewhere between now and back when I decided to start thinking like an individual instead of a mindless teenage zombie, all 7 entrees ended up on my plate. ALL SEVEN.
It leaves me thinking, seriously, who ordered this stuff?!
Sure as heaven wasn't me.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)